Ruins ✓ tk

Tired

I'm leaving for camp tomorrow! I don't think I'll be able to update so enjoy the (probably) last update for the oncoming ten days! Don't forget the story (& me) too much!

Taehyung's P.O.V

I feel like a fucking waste of space. My brown teddybear is squished in between my arms, soaked from spilled tears. My sheets are tangled and pillows are thrown against walls, hitting paintings and flowerpots on their way. The yellow rubber ducky that was once on my desk has been knocked over and fallen in the trashcan, after a year of treasuring it because Jimin won it at the fair for me it is now ready to be taken away. I don't care about it anymore, I don't want to care about things anymore. These fucking feelings are raging inside my body, bouncing from bone to bone, creating pain along the way. I don't want to feel anymore.

My phone rings a third time since I ran out of school. It's probably Yoongi or Hoseok wondering where I am but I don't want to answer. I'd have to explain what happened and I don't even want to remember the past events. I fucked up, I know I did and I hate myself for it. I could've ran after Jungkook but what would it have mattered? He didn't want to listen to me. He heard what he wanted to hear. He didn't let me finish my sentences which signalizes he doesn't even want to hear the truth. He probably wanted an excuse to get rid of me. I gave him an excuse.

My mom is home and she knows I'm skipping school, though she doesn't know the reason why. She knocked on my door a few times but I couldn't form words through my sobs and I think she knew that. I thank her internally for respecting my privacy and giving me space. She knows I'll talk when I have calmed down. But this storm inside of me has no plans for calming down soon.

Wouldn't it be easy to just shut down, to not feel anything for a moment? To engulf yourself in darkness and maybe never wake up. To let your body slump down in numbness and your breathing to slow down.

I don't know since when I became so emo. I've had the My Chemical Romance phase already, I've dealt with the teen angst already. Why is it all coming back now? It's not like my life is falling apart completely. I still have both of my loving parents, I have friends, I don't get bullied, people find me attractive, I have average grades and I don't get pushed to become something I don't want to be.

So why do I feel like there's a hole in my heart, unable to be filled? Was Jimin once there? Was I filling it with Jungkook?

I'm a wealthy, good looking, loved kid. I don't deserve to feel depressed. I shouldn't feel so down. What about all those other depressed children with dead parents, abusive relationships or money problems? They have reasons to be sad! They would be disgusted by my pathetic crying because of a boy.

My sobs have died down completely and only sniffles and small hiccups are now heard in the room.

"I'm so fucking pathetic", I whisper against my teddy, "But I still want someone to save me".

~

Going to school the next day is horrible. My dad threw me a worried look at me this morning when I came down the stairs for the first time after locking myself in there for a day. My parents didn't question me and let me be. The eye bags weren't hidden and neither were my crumpled clothes. I hadn't bothered to fix myself after passing out from crying too much. I did develop a pounding headache and the rainy day didn't help it pass.

I had already figured this was going to turn out to be the shittiest day in my entire school carrier and I wanted to desperately wrap my sheets around myself and spend the day as a sobbing burrito.

But unfortunately I had too much willpower to face school today and it would probably end badly for me.

What was the worst thing that could happen though? Seeing Jungkook with someone else like he has moved on from me already?

Yes, that was indeed the worst thing that could happen and it was happening right in front of my eyes.

If I had bleach I would first clean my eyes with it and then drink it to die a painful death. But luck isn't on my side today cause I didn't bring bleach, who the fuck would?

I recognize the boy as my neighbor in Geography class, I think he's called Simon or something like that. I painfully avert my gaze as Jungkook's arm wraps around the blonde curly haired boy. My pace quickens as I pass them, not knowing if Jungkook noticed me or not. I shouldn't care. He doesn't seem to care so I shouldn't either.

The school halls are buzzing with students and I push my way through the crowd to reach my locker. Grabbing my English books and waterbottle, I move away and notice Yoongi and Hoseok waving at me. I send a small wave back but push past them, not wanting to talk at the moment. I don't trust my voice after crying for a day and it'll probably give away my current mood.

I can finally sigh in relief once I'm sat down in class, laying my head down on the textbooks. I'll survive this day, I'm sure of it. I just need to avoid Jimin, Jungkook, Simon, Yoongi and Hoseok. Let's just avoid everyone at this school to be sure. Talking is not on my to do list today and neither is crying in front of people. My two objectives for the day: don't talk, don't cry. Sounds nice. Especially when this is a class without all of those people in it.

Oh fuck I forgot about Minho.

The said boy walks in and his gaze immediately finds mine. I really don't want to talk to him and I know he knows that after what happened last time. But being the idiots he is he dares to sit down next to me.

"Hey Taehyung".

I groan and don't bother lifting my head from the books. Can I just disappear right now?

"I know you still hate me", he sighs, fumbling with his pencil and I groan again.

"Trust me, you aren't the only one I want to avoid today so don't feel special", I croak out, cursing my voice for sounding so weak.

Minho frowns as he heard my voice, "Hey are you okay? You don't sound too well".

I close my eyes again, "No shit Sherlock. This voice is what you get from crying until you pass out. You should try it someday. It really lives up to its expectations. A hoarse voice, puffed eyes and pounding headache are guaranteed!"

The sarcasm drips of my words which shuts Minho up for some time. I feel blessed when the teacher starts lecturing, knowing Minho will leave me alone for now.

Only 8 more hours to go!

🚬

This was actually very fun to write. I love sarcastic and sad Taehyung.