If This Is Love || Raura

14 | Promise

Sorry in advance for the sucky chap. I'm currently in California for vacation and didn't want to take too much time away! Nonetheless...
Enjoy💜

If This Is Love: 14 | Promise
| Laura Renae |

For awhile, he lays on his back while I cuddle up into his side, my cheek resting right on his chest with my arm lazily wrapped around his waist. Neither of us talked and I honestly don't know how long we stayed like this, but I knew we needed to talk. I needed to talk. So, I scoot myself away from him and stay laying on my side, staring at him even if he was completely blurry. He repositions himself and I'm almost certain we're both laying the exact same way, our faces only an inch apart.

"What's wrong?" Ross quietly asks. "You haven't had one in so long, bean."

"I messed up." I whisper, closing my eyes. "I'm stressed about anything and everything and I don't know what to do, Ross. It's all happening way to much and way too fast. I need it to slow down." My voice was hoarse yet weak, something I absolutely hated. His face was still blurry, but I know he was listing to me, completely focused on me.

"What's stressing you out, bean." His voice was calm and soft, and all I could do is wish mine was like his.

"Tour. Movie. You. Us. Hate. It's all getting out of hand." I tell him. "It's not so much about the tour, mostly about juggling school work on the bus. But the movie... I'm gonna be by myself, Ross. I haven't been by myself in... ever." I whisper.

"Laura, you won't be alone. You'll have people with you-"

"Not family. Not you." I cut him off

"Well, you don't exactly like me at the moment so... that won't be a problem." He replies, most likely giving me a sad smile. I sigh and close my eyes again for a brief moment, only to open them and guess where his eyes were. Why did I ignore him? How could I let myself be so stupid? How could I let myself fall back into old habits and hold everything until I'm on the verge of breaking.

"You and I both know that's not true." I whisper. He takes a deep breath at my words and I could just tell he knew I didn't hate him, it's just that he needed to hear me say these next few words to reassure him that everything is okay. That we're okay. "I love you, Ross. And I'm sorry for ignoring you because obviously it did me no good and I feel completely stupid for ever thinking I could go a week plus without talking to my best friend and that I should've listened to what you had to say the night I found out because all you wanted was for me to love you back, even though I didn't up until recently and I should've told you I loved you because these past five months have sucked ass and-"

"Hey hey, you need to calm down, bean. You're going to have another panic attack." He quietly says, wiping underneath my eyes. I'm crying? How did I not know I had tears streaming down my face and how did I not notice the heavy breathing? "We don't need to talk right now, you need to sleep, bean."

"I miss you." My voice was so soft right now and I have no idea if he heard me or not. But I continued. "And not being with you or talking to you gave me nothing but stress and anxiety. Never again will I ever ignore you, Ross. Never again will I ever go to bed mad at you. Promise me we'll never go to bed angry. Promise me we'll try and work what ever the hell is wrong so we don't go through this again." I pretty much beg.

"I can promise to try, but you never know what can happen." He whispers. "But only if you promise me that every morning when we wake up, whether over text or through the phone or in person, we say I love you. And the exact same thing goes for at night. Even if we somehow don't resolve being angry, you need to say you love me because I don't know if I can handle you not loving me." He keeps his voice quiet, and every word he said only made my heart ache with want. With need.