Can't Run Away

Part two Chapter 12

Jasmine's POV

"I don't mean to hurt you." I say to Selina.  "I don't want to die, though.  Is there anything you can do?  You are a great nurse with an even greater doctor behind you.  There has to be some way to cure GVHD!" I follow up.  Selina looks at me sadly.  "I can give you Penicillin shots everyday and keep you on an anti-biotic drip to counter-act this.  Let me warn you now, it most likely won't work.  Just so you know that.  Don't forget that Penicillin shots are very painful.  You can get through this though." Selina says to me with an anxious look.  I nod and look around.  "Someone's at my door." I say nervously.  Selina opens my door and she rolls her eyes.  "It's just your doctor.  At least, now I can get her approval without having to explain myself." Selina says to me giggling.  I roll my eyes and wave my hand to signal them to get out.  They get it after a few seconds, when they do they are rolling their eyes and giggling.  I close my eyes and lay back.  I spring up immediately.  I feel like my stomach is trying to eat itself.  "Ow!  Help!" I scream out in pain.  No one hears me.  I collapse on the floor.  I hold my stomach tightly and I cry.  I can't move.  "Ow, help me!!!" I scream out.  I stand up carefully and I hit the button on my remote.  Stephanie walks in.  "My stomach, it hurts so bad!!" I say with tears streaming down my face.  Stephanie nods and goes out.  She gives me a tylenol to take.It goes down quickly.  I lay on my bed, holding my stomach tightly.  It only takes away the pain slightly.  I curl up in my soft blankets.  I roll over onto my side and wait to see if the weak pain pill takes away the strong pain that has taken my body hostage.  It doesn't work and it has been a full hour since I've taken it, the pain is still going strong.  I hit the call button again.  Selina comes in and says "Are you ok?  Has GVHD taken it's toll causing uncontrollable pain and a large rash that keeps spreading?" I nod and she puts a anti-biotic drip on my IV pole.  "Let's start an IV and get that Penicillin shot into you." Selina says masking her anxiety.  I hate when she tries to hide her anxiety and difficulties!  I take a deep breath and hold out my hand.  The tightness of a torniquet is felt and the coldness of rubbing alcohol is felt on the back of my hand as usual. 

"Ready?  1, 2, 3." Selina mumbles before stabbing a needle firmly into the back of my hand.  I flinch and cry softly.  I feel Selina miss my vein.  "Focusing okay?  You never miss my vein.  Just take it out, and try again.  Don't try to move the needle around.  Just take it out, now!" I say with a hint of concern in my voice.  The needle comes out and there is a small bandage on the back of my hand.  I let my other hand go through the same process and my vein is missed again!  I lay back and breath deeply.  Moisture has formed in my eyes, tears.  I dry my eyes gently and I open my eyes.  Selina has taken the needle out of my other had and she put it in the bin in the corner of my room.  "I can't hit your tiny veins today, dehydration is pretty obvious.  I need to start your IV, so a few more sticks and then your IV should be in place, if not; I will just go with a penicillin shot and oral anti-biotics." Selina says.  I get stabbed two more times before the painful IV is in place.  "Now for the penicillin shot.  It stings and the needle is quite large, to be honest; I would be afraid to get it." Selina says nervously.  I nod and wait for her to accept the treatment plan, I know that this won't be easy for her to give, but I will try to let her do her job.  She already has the syringe ready.  She cleans a place on my thigh.  I tense up.  "Relax your leg, it will hurt about 30 times worse if you are tense!!  I'll just rub the muscle and count to three.  Then I'll give the shot slowly so it doesn't hurt as much.  Relax Jasmine, please?" Selina explains.  I can't relax.  "I'm scared.  Please don't hurt me.  You know I hate needles, so please be gentle." I say fearfully.  Selina looks nervous, too.  "I'm just going to do it, then make you feel better." Selina says, exasperated.  I close my eyes tightly and I wait.  A sharp stick is the most prominate feeling.  The needle goes in deeper.  I relax my muscle just as a needle penetrates.  I yelp, but I can't move my leg.  Selina's cool hand has my leg locked in place.  The medicine's sting is slight at first.  I press my lips toghether tightly.  The sting grows to a burn and I slam my head back against my pillow.  The shot is going by very slowly.  "Ow!  Please stop.  Stop!"  I say loudly.  Selina ignores me.  She pushes the plunger on the syringe a little more, sending a fresh pain through my leg.  I tense up slightly and that makes my leg hurt more.  The plunger is only half way down.  Selina pushes it more and I try to jerk again.  There is only a little more medicine left to go.  I lay back and take deep breaths quickly.  One final mini-dose and the medicine is in.  The needle comes out quickly. A drop of blood rises to the surface and Selina quickly wipes it away and she puts a pink bandaid on the spot.

"I'm sorry, I had to do that.  You know I had to do that, you did better than I thought.  Just don't be mad.  At least you trusted me." Selina says relieved that I didn't get upset with her.  I look around and say quietly "I'm not mad, that hurt and you didn't try to distract me.  It would have made it bareable, you know less painful!" I say hiding the storm beneath the surface.  Selina smiles and walks out closing my door behind her.

Selina's POV

I can't believe I actually got a shot into Jasmine without any fuss.  I feel so afraid that Jasmine might get upset when she finds out that I have to give her one of those everyday.  I won't tell Jasmine that, I'll just let her figure it out.  I walk into Nicole's room, right beside Jasmine's.  "Nicole?  Are you doing ok?" I ask.  Nicole sits up quickly.  "It's ok, I just came to check on you." I say trying to get her to relax.  Nicole just lays back and she sighs.  "Please just leave me alone.  You never just randomly check on me, like you do with Jasmine, so just leave me alone!" Nicole says with anger and hurt in her voice.  I take a moment to collect my thoughts.