Can't Run Away

p2c17

"Oh, um...hi Amber." I say, exhausted from an emotionally draining day.  "You aren't good enough.  You just killed an eight year old girl.  They don't deserve this.  You will never be good enough to be head nurse.  Just quit already, you are just dragging this hospital down!  Reilly Pediatric's could be top of the nation, but we have small hospitals doing better than us.  We have the resources, but we don't have the leader, in other words this is all your fault!" Amber says, looking flushed and upset.  I don't think much of it.  She must have a reason to do this to me, I just need to figure it out.

"Um....Amber, did I do something wrong?  I've done it all by the book and I've been super sweet, just tell me what I did, I can't read minds, I am many things, but I am not a mind reader.  Just tell me what I did!" I exclaim, tears gathering in my hazel eyes.  My eyes change when I'm upset.  "You killed Giovanna!  You are one thing, an incompetent nurse!  I hate you, so does everyone; just quit, so this hospital can grow and get better.  When Penelope was here we were number four in the country, number fifteen in the world; now we are number 158 in the nation and we are number 1,589 in the world.  You are the cause.  Go where Giovanna went or go home!" she says malicously.  I step back, a solem tear dripping from my eye.  I turn and run, escaping into Jasmine's room.  "Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?" I ask, wiping my eyes quickly and smiling brightly to block the pain from bullying. 

Jasmine doesn't answer.  I panic.  "Jasmine, honey; answer me!  You're scaring me, sweetie; please answer!" I say walking closer.  Jasmine's eyes are glazed over.  I start to panic even more, shaking and breathing very hard.  I am forced to call to Amber.  I stumble out and grab Amber, pulling her into Jasmine's room.  "W-What do I do?  What's happening?  Is this a seizure?" I ask, shaking.  Amber rolls her eyes and pushes me, in front of a patient!  "It's a seizure all right.  The end is close my 'dear'." Amber says with mock sweetness making her seem even meaner.  I push valium through her IV line and try to comfort her through the semi-conciousness.  Amber rolls her eyes and pushes me out the way again.  "You have to start a breathing tube and slap her out of it, idiot!  Just get out!!!!" Amber says, opening the partial airway.  The tube goes down Jasmine's throat, but she fights it.  Amber slaps her face.  "Amber, this isn't right!  Stop, Now!  You know you shouldn't do this, just stop!" I scream, tears running down my face, feeling awful for Jasmine having to suffer.  I push Amber out the door and I lock it.  I call security, but no one believes me. 

"I'm sorry, baby girl.  It won't happen again.  I'm right here.  Just open your mind and your eyes will see the good.  Everything will be ok, just wake up sweet heart."  I appologize, Jasmine finally becoming aware.  She coughs and struggles against my gentle hug.  I let go and move away.  "Why did you stab that tube down my throat and hit me?" she asks, near tears.  I choke back a sob and collapse back onto a chair.  "That wasn't me!  I swear, honey, I would never hurt you on purpose.  I love you like I loved my daugther.  Just trust me.  I promise.  You're okay now; Amber won't hurt you again!" I plea, closing my eyes, my eye lashes batting gently.  She considers it for a moment, her post seizure brain struggling to deal with all the demands.  She considers how upset I am, then she nods; starting to cry.

I hold her close until she stops crying.  She only stops crying because she fell asleep in my arms.  I lay her down and cover her up, watching her sleep soundly for the longest amount of time.  I walk out, looking around for Amber.  I go to my office and sit on the floor across from the door.  I check my phone for the firs time all day.  It is overloaded with texts.  I read one, but it is so mean I throw my phone at a pillowed couch.  I cry out loud for the first time since I made an actual commitment not to show emotion.  I fling myself on my couch and I must have fallen asleep.