Can't Run Away

p2c29

I wake up, in a frenzy of emotions.  I feel the tension in the air and it's more than I can bear.  I try to do the worksheets left from yesterday, but the disturbance I've been feeling has broken through.  "No, things will turn around!  No, no!  You're wrong this time!  Last time this happened the patient died three days later!  We need to act now or that little girl is going to go down hill, and fast!" I hear Zoey yell.  I have a feeling they're talking about me, but I wait out the feeling of fear and anger.  It might not be related to me.  Then Zoey and Dr. Ken come in, arguing.

I look back and forth between them, unsure of what to say or do.  "W-what's going on?" I ask.  Then Dr. Ken turns to me on his heels.  "Your stupid nurse says you have a rare cancer, while I know that you have Lukemia that has presented in it's original form and looked similar to Lymphoma.  Ignore everything she says.  You'll be fine.  She doesn't know what she's talking about.  I know everything and she knows nothing!" Dr. Ken explains.  "Zoey isn't stupid and I'd like to know what she thinks is wrong with me." I defend.  Zoey smiles and comes closer to me.  "I think you have a very rare blood and bone cancer that manifests in the chest and spreads rapidly.  It's often mistaken for Lukemia at first, for it's presence in the blood, but a little later, it presents itself as Lymphoma while remaining in the blood.  The only thing is, it's so rare, very few people've heard of it.  I have and I recognize all the symptoms.  Who do you want to believe?" Zoey explains, pulling out all of her knowledge and proffesionalism.

I feel a pit drop into my stomach.  "You.  It sounds familar to what I've experienced and the least Dr. Ken could do is consider the diagnosis and do a few more tests, whatever it takes, I don't care.  I just want to survive and if I have to do the most random things to figure this out, I will." I say.  Dr. Ken groans and submits to what we've said.  "We'll do chest x-rays, blood work, CT scans, MRIs, spinal taps, bone marrow tests, we'll analyze several tissue and fluid samples and we'll have our answer to what's really wrong." Dr. Ken says.  I bite my lip and nod.  Zoey laughs nervously and they both leave to put in orders for all the tests I need.  I don't know what I've gotten myself into, but if this is what I'm diagnosed with, I could still have a chance.  If I do have this cancer, then I've been getting the wrong treatment all this time and it's just been allowing it all to develop and manefest into the worst thing possible, terminal cancer.

The whole day is a whirlwind of confusing tests and arguing between my care team.  It's so confusing and I'm not sure what to think.  I transferred here to get better care and less drama, but everything I thought I knew is falling apart at the seams!  Zoey and Christine all seem harsher and a lot ruder, but they all have good reason.  I think I'm getting good at sensing disturbances and problems because I knew that things were going to go horribly wrong today.  I'm getting good at that, but it still catches me by suprise even when I know somethng's about to happen even if I don't know what's actually going to happen.  I feel bad for leaving the hosptial and the one person who's been there for me all along.  I can't do this to her.  She was there for me and I pushed her away.  I'm going to transfer back.  If I'm going to die, I want to do it around someone who has cared the whole time.

"Dr. Ken, I demand to be transferred back to where I was in the first place.  I can't deal with everyone here and I have no one.  Let me go back....now!" I say sharply.  He gives in and I'm transferred back, but not before he writes down all the results of my tests.  I hate the long ride, but I'm glad to be back under the care of the people who've always tried to do what's best for me.  I was placed back into my old room and my stuff was put right back where it belongs.  Things have happened in the month I've been gone.  Penelope came back, Selina was depromoted, then repromoted, Dr. Baker was fired, someone came in to replace her, Amber quit, and things seem to be back on track.  It's shocking that so much could happen in thirty days!