Can't Run Away

p2c26

I wake up in the chair by the window.  I slowly stand and get back in bed.  I fall back asleep, doing the smallest things take a lot of energy.  I really need to rest, but this hosptial has me in their schooling.  This hospital is very intensive with it's treatments and it doesn't want me to fail my classes.  I dream about a life after cancer.  It's not how I first envisioned my life, but it's kind of better.  I'm a stronger person because of this fight and if this dream is realistic, then my life will be great after this.

I am awoken my Christine coming into my room, alone.  I panic, knowing that it's time for more chemo.  "Hi, Christine.  I'm not really up for chemo today, I don't feel good." I say, trying to rush her out so I can rest.  She doesn't leave.  "You have to keep getting chemo, Dr. Ken thought this would happen, but it's your breaking point in your treatment, so you have to go through with it!" she says, trying to avoid getting frustrated.

I shake my head and turn away, keen on falling back asleep.  "Jasmine, sit up and let me do these four shots real quick, then you can get back to your nap." Christine says.  I shake my head and ignore her constant pleas and commands.  "I'm going to get Carly, she's, like, the only one you listen to out of a team of sixteen nurses." Christine says.  I ignore her.  "How about I get one of my other colleagues and see if she could help me with you?" she asks.  I still ignore her.  She walks out, counting under her breath.  I can finally fall asleep.

Then Three people come back into my room and slam my door.  "What do you want?" I yell, sitting up.  Christine, Carly, and someone else is standing by the door, Carly holding my injections.  I start to panick.  "Everyone, get out!" I scream, just wanting to sleep.  Carly sighs.  I ignore their exasperation.  "None of you care how I really feel.  I feel weak and sick.  Just leave alone until I feel better." I say, my voice cracking.  Carly shakes her head and puts down the syringes.  "Jasmine, you are so close to beating this, you just have to keep fighting.  Don't let a side effect get you down." Christine says.  "I'm not giving up!  I just want to rest, but none of you will leave me alone long enough to take a short nap!" I say defensively.

Christine gives up and walks out, slamming my door behind her.  I'm angered by her disrespect.  "Look what you did!  Anyway, you know you're not getting out of this...so, this is Zoey and she is the head nurse on this floor.  Just let us do our jobs and you can sleep this off." Carly says.  Zoey smiles shyly.  "Okay, Jasmine....we're just going to quickly do these and you can go about your....nap." she says softly, barely audibile.  I shake my head and go back to ignoring the two nurses, but Carly doesn't give up as easily.  "Jasmine, don't even try to ignore me.  You know I'm not as easy to shake off as Christine, even though it should be the other way around since she has the extra training, but anyway, you know I'm much more determined than you!" Carly says.  I continue ignoring her. 

"That is it!  You can't keep pushing us around!  I feel for your old care team!  Just let me do my job or don't I don't care anymore!  I'm not working with you anymore!" Carly snaps.  I ignore her annoyance and try to just let it all melt away.  "Okay, Jasmine, I'm plan c, if you ignore me, we have 23 other letter plans we can come up with.  Just give me a few seconds of your time.  Is that too much to ask?" Zoey says, still barely audible.  I sigh and let her have my attentiion for three seconds.  I mentally count to three, then ignore what she has left to say.

"Now, just let me give you half of these, it'll take about 20 seconds if you relax and don't fight me." Zoey says, uncapping and hiding the long needle.  I look away, trying to ignore Zoey despite the feeling she's getting very close to me with the injection.  I feel her stick me, but I try not to let my fear get the best of me, but it does, like always.  "Ow!  Stop, that hurts too much!" I cry.  Zoey listens and pulls out the needle.  "I only injected half of the medicine.  At this rate, it'll take me four trys to do this, but it will only take me two more if you don't move or ask me to stop." Zoey says, barely making a sound, but I'm tuned into her well enough I heard every word.  I nod and she stabs me.  She has the medicine in me and the needle out before I start to struggle.  "Stop, it's going to hurt too much to do the other one." I say softly.  Zoey doesn't speak for the longest time.  "We had a deal, it's one more and I'll have it done before you realize." she says gently.  I nod and close my eyes.  I feel something that is similar to a touch, then nothing.  "Have you done it?" I ask.  She nods and I smile at her, when I give her a chance, she is actually very skilled.

"Just do the other two now, while I'm awake." I say.  Zoey nods and I look away.  I feel her do them quickly, but they don't hurt like they usually do.  "Done!" she says happily.  I smile at her and roll back over for my nap.  I finally fall back asleep.  I feel the side effects, but they truly are distant, I'm in the dream world and I couldn't be happier.