Can't Run Away

p2c24

I wake up in an unfamilar room.  I sit up quickly and I feel sharp pain in my back.  I wince and lay back.  I look around and try to remeber where I am.  I can't get the memory to come.  Then Dr. Ken and Carly come in.  "Jasmine, we've discovered your cancer is about stage two to three and you start on chemo once every two weeks, with that period of time to recover from the awful effects, as well as give it time to take effect.  It will be done by injection.  Is that all right?" Dr. Ken says.  I shake my head slightly, but I know I don't have much choice.  Carly smiles slightly, she seems very sweet. 

"Sweetie, you know you don't have much choice." Carly says, taking the lead, leaving no room for disagreement.  I open my mouth to speak, but Dr. Ken butts in.  "Carly, if I may have a moment alone with my newest patient.  Please?" he says, almost pushing his nurse out the door.  I shake my head and try to stand up.  Dr. Ken sighs and let's Carly stay.  "I think someone's taken a liking to you." Dr. Ken says to Carly.  She smiles and shakes her head, my response is the same.  "Okay, Jasmine, you have to have this or you will die.  No exceptions.  I know what this is about.  You're afraid of needles and you truly want to avoid them.  I understand, Carly understands and since she's the one who will be giving them to you, I feel for her.  Just, let us do what we have to do.  Okay?" Dr. Ken says.  I sigh and nod. 

Carly is suddenly very bubbly, glad that I've agreed to her giving me the treatments for my cancer.  "Dr. Ken, you can go to your office, I can draw up the prescribed doses and administer them." Carly says.  He nods and leaves.  I'm left, shaking like a leaf.  Carly comes back in a few minutes later.  "Alright, Jasmine, let's talk for a few before I do the part you are, so obviously, dreading.  What are you afraid of?" she says, sitting down across from my bed.  "I don't like the idea of the shots.  I don't like the pain.  I don't like the way they feel.  It's just terrifying!!" I almost start to cry.  Carly nods, I can tell she's starting to feel nervous.  "Are you alright?" I ask, trying to distract myself.  Carly chuckles softly.  "I'm fine sweet heart.  Don't worry about me, I'm just uneasy about giving you your medicine.  I just don't know what to do." she says, thinking softly out loud.  I take a shakey breath and try to ignore Carly's nervous babbling.  "Why are you nervous?" I say, louder than I thought because Carly jumps.  "I'm not, I'm just a little...um......unsure." she says. 

"Okay, let's get this over with.  Alright?" Carly says, standing up and uncapping one of the syringes.  "No!" I whimper.  Carly sighs.  "Jasmine, were you like this with Selina?" she asks.  I nod and start crying.  "Don't cry.  I'm sure we'll get through this." Carly says, cleaning a place on my arm.  She brings the syringe close to my tense arm, but she recaps it and sits it on the bedside table.  "Jasmine, you have to promise me not to move and you need to relax.  Promise?" Carly asks, sounding more like a second grader than a nurse.  I nod and she uncaps the needle.  "Relax." she reminds.  I relax and she counts to five before giving me the shot.  I jump and pull away.  "Don't move!" she says, quickly as she slowly puts the medicine into my arm.  "Ow!" I cry.

Carly bites her lip and start babbling.  "Stop babbling!  Please." I yell.  Carly sharply sticks me and I yelp softly.  "Jasmine." she says softly.  "You did it!" I yell.  Carly sighs and sticks me again.  "How about a little warning!" I cry.  She appologizes and bandages my arms.  "You did great, but now that you know how those feel, next time won't be as easy." Carly says.  I nod and relax.  "Thanks Carly.....for everything." I say as she walks out, she smiles gently.  I pick up my sketch pad, I want to draw and clear my head.  I draw for hours, until the side effects of my medicine kick in.  I start constantly throwing up.  I almost start to cry.  I feel awful.  I close my eyes and try to ignore the feeling.  I hit the call button, and wait for a very seconds.  Carly comes in nervously.  "I keep throwing up." I say.  Carly nods leaves after telling me to wait.  "Okay, I'm going to give you an IV and then I can give you more medicines with out more sticks or you can let this disolve under your tongue." Carly says.  "The pill." I say as I take it and put it under my tongue.  It only has one side effect, it makes me sleepy.  I fall asleep with my sketch pad open and charcol pencil in my hand.