Can't Run Away

p2c16

Jasmine's POV

"I don't feel so good." I say as I fall to the ground, unable to breath or move.  I feel myself being picked up and I hear concerned voices as I stare up, looking at Selina's fearful face.  Things have taken a turn for the worst this week.  I know I'm not going to get better...ever.  "Jasmine.  Jasmine, blink if you can hear me or squeeze my hand if you can move at all." Selina says, lightly and directly.  I squeeze her hand, barely able to.  She sighs in relieve and moves around.  I feel the sting of something going through my IV.  I try to pull away, but I still can't move.  I cry out and try to move.  "I can't move!  My throat hurts and I think there's something seriously wrong!" I exclaim, fear driving my weak voice.  Selina moves about listening here, touching there; before deciding to draw blood and do a spinal tap.

"Jasmine, I'm going to take a few tubes of blood and then I will quickly do a spinal tap.  You can trust me, if not; you should!" Selina explains to me.  I try to take a breath, but there is sharp pain in my side.  I try to call out, but I can hardly breath.  There is a stick in my hand and I try to move towards 'safety'.  I am turnt over and there is a cold sensation on my back.  The little sticks aren't as bad as usual and I don't feel the actual spinal tap.  I am turnt back over and I open my eyes, weakly.  Selina smiles at me gently; I look up at her, fear showing in my eyes.  A tear runs down her face, but she swipes it away quickly.  She walks out.  It is then that I know the end has came.  I'm not going to get better, it is this very bed I will die in.  My death will probably be fast, by the end of next week.  I will ask to be sure.

Selina's POV

"Ok, I'm really worried.  The lukiema has spread to the spinal fluid and her brain.  Jasmine is to die.....I c-can't believe this." I say as my eyes get hot with tears.  I push my 'hair' off my face and look around.  I play with the cap holding my 'hair' on.  I write down possibility after possibility and I draw a conclusion; Jasmine will be fighting for her life by the end of next week.  She won't get better, she will be brain dead very soon.  I walk back to Jasmine's room, tears in my eyes and a fake smile on my face; like usual.  "Jasmine, you are going to die by the end of next week.  I'm sorry, sweetie; but this is the begining of the en-" I cut off as I am overcome by my true emotions.  I turn and run out, leaving my journal and all of the files on the side table.  I go to my office, sitting in the corner.  I put in my earbuds and listen to my favorite song.  It calms me as tears run down my face and my hair gets frizzy from me rubbing it.  I stand up and turn off my phone.  I fix my makeup and repostion my 'hair'.  I walk out and bump into someone standing outside my office, looking confused.  "Are you Selina..um..." she says, clearly nervous.  "Howard?  Yes, that's me.  I have no time to talk, my top priority is my patient on her death bed.  Do you need something urgently?" I ask, pressing on; motioning for her to follow me.

"I'm Jenny.  I'm new here, I transferred from Saint Youth's hospital.  I'm sorry you weren't informed, I can go." the woman offers, flipping her extremely long black hair over her shoulder.  I sigh and push up to the desk.  "Stephanie!!  Train Jenny, next time tell me when we have a new nurse, it might help me!" I say, frustrated and emotional.  Stephanie slams her patient's files down on the desk and walks over to me, obviously trying to calm herself.  "I can't be expected to do all your jobs!  You do it!  Look at my work load!  I can't do this anymore.  Just do it yourself and let me handle my jobs with no extra baggage.  Who's with me!???" she says, like she is starting a revolt against me!  I bit my lip and look around.  Everyone looks at her weird.  They don't doubt me and they actually like the idea of Stephanie taking on the extra responsibility they always have to.  "Just do it Steph.  It can't hurt, pitch in and do your...Oh no!!!" Amber says, realizing something went wrong.  "Come on Selina, something's wrong!  There's been a code issued.  Just come on!!" Amber says as she pulls me along, slightly panicked.  I jog to keep up, but I realize it is from Giovanna's room.  "Oh my lord.  No!" I start to panick.  I push the girl's family out, starting to go into auto pilot.  "Amber, airway managemet; like always.  Stephanie, start chest compressions.  Jenny, do you know how to start an IV and do standard code drug push?  Good, do it!" I direct.  Everyone is clambering about and I walk out, leaving the door cracked, to deal with the girl's family.  "Hi everyone.  I'm Selina Howard, the head nurse.  Your daughter Giovanna isn't doing well at all.  We are trying to save her now, but prepare for the damaging truth; she isn't going to make it out, she will make it out with severe damage, if at all.  Shall we pray?" I guide.  They gather around me and we quickly pray.  The girl's mother breaks down.  "My baby girl!  No, no, no!  Don't let her go!  I n-need my baby!" she wails.  I sit her down on the couch.  "Come along, I'll take you to a private room for you and your family." I say helping everyone up and along.  I sit them on a couch and I rush out.  "How's she doing?" I ask, being the advocate for the family.  Everyone stops, they were communicating amongst theirselves for the last 20 minutes before giving up.  "She's gone, you tell the family hon.  I can't handle that.  Just do it fast and get it done." Amber says, a small amount of emotion playing with her tired voice; letting me know she cared.

"Ok.  I have some bad news.  Your daughter, Giovanna, you may want ot sit down." I say as I sit down and pat the couch beside me.  "Giovanna has d-died.  I'm so very sorry." I say, sighing as I try to contain my feelings.  Her mom, wails and falls into the man beside her; Giovanna's dad.  He lets a tear escape.  I put my arm on the woman's arm.  I sit with them for the longest time before I begin to cry also.  "Th-this is so very, very sad.  I wasn't close to your daughter, but I care for all my patients and when we lose someone it really effects me deeply.  I'm really sorry.  I remeber one time; your daughter was so upset and afraid, she kept asking for me.  When I came she hugged me and I was the only one she trusted.  I had always been her nurse.  She was probably the most spirited, sparky patient I have ever treated.  Would you like to see her?" I share, tears smearing my already watery makeup.  They both nod and I open the door.  Everyone walks into the room, but Giovanna's mom breaks down again outside the door as she sees her daughter's body in a bag; only her face shown.

"My angel, she's still in there!" she screams.  I pull her away and they all leave, after speaking to the hospital social worker.