Losing Control

Chapter 6 // Conflict

Dan's POV:

I awake to a see a white ceiling, where am I?! A nurse, walks into the room, she fixes my sheets and hands me some water. ''What happened?'' ''Don't you remember dear, you tried to kill yourself?'' I remember it all. I feel a lot better and I probably dealt with it the wrong way, I need to be strong for Phil, I need to be here for him if he wakes up. The nurse gives me a positive smile and leaves the room.

I feel so guilty for doing this to myself. If Phil was there to see that, it would have destroyed him. I've got to be okay for him. I want to see him. I press my beeper, a nurse comes in. ''Can I see my friend Phil Lester please?'' ''Uhm I'm afraid you can't at the moment, you have to get those cuts checked up a bit. You should be able to visit him soon.'' I rest my head on my pillow, I'm still feeling a little bit sick. The after feeling after taking a shit load of pills is horrible. It's kind of like, you have so much air built up in your body and you feel like vomiting out air. I just feel so sick, I regret it, and I just want a coffee and a nice hot shower.

A few minutes pass and the doctor arrived, he said my cuts should be fine, he gave me some bio oil to heal the scars. I felt so disappointed with myself. I'm so ashamed. I just want to see Phil now. The nurse tells me I can now visit him. ''But it won't be a long visit, only for 5 minutes, then visiting hours are over.'' Better than nothing I guess. She takes me to his room. He's still laying in that same position. To see him still laying there motionless, hurt. I miss him. A lot. I just sit there for a few minutes remembering all the good memories. When I got him a Jake jumper for his birthday, the smile it put on his face. Or all the live show janga battles, day outs with him. Playlist lives. Collabs. Movie nights at our house with friends. Then I think back to when I met him... He changed my life, he convinced me to start YouTube, it's the reason I'm happy. Without him as a friend, I would still be depressed and unhappy with life... I remember it like yesterday. The first ever collab. All the philisnotonfire's and amazingdan's. I could never let go of those memories. Ever.

My 5 minutes is up. I make my way back to the apartment. I walk through the door, everything left the way it was... I then realise, how did I end up at the hospital? I see a lady sitting on the lounge I freeze. ''Who are you!'' I say. The lady stands and turns around. Short blonde hair... Its Phil's mum. ''Hi, Daniel, finally got sorted out and came home.'' She continues ''I came to surprise my son, I walk in to find Phil missing and you bleeding, passed out on the floor. I rushed you to hospital, only to find out my son is also there... why didnt you call me.'' I stand there looking speechless. ''I didn't even think to call I'm so so sorry, I've just been really overwhelmed and just in a bad state of mind, the hospitial should have called you anyway.'' ''You've been in a bad state of mind?! How do you suppose I feel! My sons in a coma for god sake! No one bothered to tell me! I could lose my son!'' I see the anger in her eyes. I feel terrible I completely forgot. ''I'm so sorry, I've been looking after him, trying to make him better.'' She looks at me as if I've killed a man. ''YOUVE BEEN MAKING HIM BETTER! No you haven't. You are the one that made him like this! I don't want you seeing my son again! Stay away from him! You made him get hit by that car! You put him in that coma! IT'S YOUR FAULT!'' I start to tear up, I sob... ''Please don't say that, I feel bad enough, please.'' ''You can't even look after yourself, should I go cut over this... NO, grow up!'' I feel so worthless, I understand why she's upset but why is she doing this. ''Please, I can't take this, my best friend is basically dead, and I need someone to be there for me.'' She breathes. ''But you weren't there for my son, why would I want to help the person responsible for his death.'' She picks up her bag and storms out.

I fall to my knees, crying, breathing heavily, and pulling at my hair trying to calm myself. Why would she say that awful stuff? Why doesn't she care what I feel? Maybe it is all my fault... Maybe I'm only doing badly for Phil... Maybe I should move and try get over this. I should just leave to make everyone happy. I make my way to Phil's bed. Crying as I hug his pillows, wishing things were different. I'm trying to get my head around this all but I just can't. I just have to leave.

***

There's a buzzing in my head, I open my eyes. Its bright out the window, I look at the clock. Its 6am. Shit, it's Sunday, how long have I been asleep! I have the radio show... without Phil! I can't call in sick this late notice. They don't know about Phil yet! Shit I better get ready and head on over... Maybe after say my last goodbye to... Phil. It's for the best. I have to forget.

***

This is just a filler chapter, will be updating more seeming its holiday's c: