Losing Control

Chapter 18 // Getting Help & Saying Goodbye

Dan’s POV:

The man pulls his phone out from his pocket on his shirt and unlocks it. I start to cry as o realise I’m back to point one and they are going to say I’m ill again, but truth is I’m just having a breakdown I should be fine by morning. I really don’t need an ambulance. I curl up into a ball in the corner of the kitchen and rest my head on my knees, sobbing loudly that I don’t need an ambulance.  Everything goes quiet and I can no longer hear the man. I pick my head up from my knees, to see him getting up and starting to clean all the broken bits of glass. ‘’I didn’t call an ambulance, I thought it was better to listen to how you felt and what you thought was best, I texted my wife, she is bringing Panadol and sleeping pills and stuff to help you, sit tight’’. He gave me a reassuring smile before turning back to the counter to clean. I wipe the tears from under my eyes and the running tears down my cheek. My heart slows down a bit and my mind slows down. My shaking steady’s.  Holding on to the counter as I push myself up I told him I was thankful before leaving the kitchen and heading for the couch. The man rushed over to help me to the couch. He then helped me down onto the couch and got some cushion to rest my head on. ‘’My name is Levi, just so you know. You will be okay, just rest up’’. He then goes to continue. ‘’Oh my wife is here, her name is Amanda okay’’. He walked off to assist her to where I was. She made her way to the couch, kneeling beside me. ‘’Here, take this Panadol then after just a sleeping pill okay, it will put you to sleep and you can rest this off and we will stay with you, until you awake’’ she remarked. Without saying a thing I swallowed the pills she handed me. ‘’You need a shower darling, do you think you can take a quick one so you are nice and clean and get a better sleep’’ she asks. ‘’Yeah, that’s fine, give me five minutes’’ I inquired. ‘’Of course’’ she responded.

****

I had been in the shower and gotten dressed and now I’m feeling a bit sleepy. The pills must be kicking in. The shower already made me feel a bit better. I lay in bed, ready to shut my eyes. Still a bit confused about what had happened before. Amanda and Levi walk in. ‘’Nearly time to sleep, just have a bit of toast first please, it will help’’ Amanda said.

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And that’s the last thing I remember before waking up the next day. The only things I remember are smashing things, and begging him not to call the ambulance. That’s right Levi & Amanda helped me. Oh great they probably think they are living with a psycho... And the place is probably a mess, glass everywhere. Ugh. I’m such an idiot. I shove my blanket down and rub my eyes preparing myself for the day... I see my phone sitting on the bed side table, I grab it. A text from Phil's mother. It reads ''Hey darling, stopping by the hospital today''? I chuck my phone on the bed and thoughts start racing through my mind again. I stand up and walk in circles, I don’t have long left with him. I can’t believe this is it. That moment I hear my phone ring. I run over to my bed to see who it is. It's Emma. Oh crap. ''Hey baby'' I say answering the phone. ''Dan, I’m worried, you've been gone for a while. And I called BBC they haven’t heard from you in so long. Please where are you... Is it me''?! She asks worried and confused. ''Oh god, where do I start, I’m sorry. I had to leave and visit Phil, he was on my mind and I was going to come straight back but something happened''... I say feeling sick. ''Dan, what has happened... Are you okay''?? She responds quickly. ''Yeah, just uh Phil's mum is transferring him to another hospital, like yeah it’s better for him, it’s just hard, to REALLY say goodbye''... I take a deep breath and she hears it through the phone. ''I’m coming to you, okay. You won’t do this alone, be there soon''. The phone hangs up. I’m thankful for someone like her, she is caring. If only she knew how I felt about him. I don’t know what I’m going to do. My bedroom door opens. ''Hey we hear you were awake, feeling better''? Asks Levi, with Amanda beside him. ''Thank you so much, just one of those days where you break down after being strong for so long.. Thank you so much for not calling the ambulance or anything''. ''Coffee'' he inquired.

****

So I’m sitting on the lounge telling them the story of Phil & me. I told them how I discovered I was gay after losing Phil. I can see the devastation and sympathy in their faces. Time goes by and it’s now 10am, I apologise for having to leave but they understand because I have to go see Phil. I give them both hugs and go the other direction, towards the hospital.

I reach Phil’s room and join Phil’s mother in a seat next to her. We kind of just look at him, and admire him. ''How was your night'' I question. ''Restless, yours'' she asks back. ''Breakdown, huge shock there''. We just sit there and stare not saying a word. The silence is nice. I can tell she’s been trying to tell me something for a while now. ''Just tell me, I can tell you have something to say, it couldn’t be worse than you taking him away from me''. I say plainly. I feel really cold hearted for saying that but it was the truth. ''Well Phil leaves tomorrow, I’m so sorry Dan''. She let out those words I dreaded. I just continue to sit in that chair, staring at the same wall I stare at every time I’m in this room. I feel a tear run down my cheek. I stay strong and don’t move at all. I hold it in before I speak. ''So this is it. You're giving up basically'' I say confused. ''Dan, to be honest I’d given up long ago. I needed you to be back here so he had some hope of support. And for days now, I’ve been asking myself the same question... Do I continue to keep him alive, continue to pay his bills to see no result, maybe this is it, maybe this is how it ends for Phil'' She says covering her face with her hands sobbing into them. I feel no sympathy for her right now. I strike up from my chair and I don’t even have time to feel sorry for her or cry. All I am thinking is she wants to end my best friends life! ''IVE ALWAYS BEEN RESPECTFUL FOR YOU AND YOUR CHOICES BUT RIGHT NOW YOU ARE SOUNDING LIKE A TWAT. YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE UP ON YOUR SON... MY BEST FRIEND. If you won’t be there for him, I will. I’ll pay his bills, I’ve visit him every day. I’ll make sure he gets better. Because you are doing a fucking lousy job''! I don’t stop there. ''I have been through hell these couple of months, I still pull myself together, surely you can do the same! I’ve been through a lot for this guy, he is my only hope left in live. So before taking that away think about someone other than yourself! LOOK AROUND IM THE ONLY ONE HE HAS LEFT AND IM GOING TO BE WAITING HERE TILL THE DAY HE WAKES UP. I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE. I WILL NEVER LEAVE HIS SIDE. I LOVE HIM. I SAID I FUCKING LOVE HIM. And you don’t get to pick who you love, I know that. But I’m pretty fucking happy with who I ended up with. And I don’t think this love can never be. I believe he is coming back to me. I won’t let you do this''! By the end of that I’m a mess, I’m crying hysterically. ''I’m sorry you feel that way Dan, but I think that’s what’s best... There’s no hope for him now. The funeral will be in a couple of weeks''. She says before picking her head up like she is fine and walking out of the room. ''There's hope... He is coming back to you''. I hear a voice say from behind me.

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Ooooh who is the voice?! Im sorry im terrible at cliffhangers c': Anyway thank you all so much for 2.4k reads! School starts again tomorrow so i will update as much as i can. Because this phanfic is finally starting to take off and things are starting to happen c; Bye for now! x