Losing Control

Chapter 12 // Support

Dan's POV:

Well the time has come to talk to them about Phil. Yep the nerves are defiantly kicking in. We are stood on the side walk. It’s about 2pm and I had agreed to go to a cafe, this is a big deal for me. I haven’t stepped foot near a cafe, restaurant or anything like that since the day of the accident. So I was feeling proud that I was actually going to get over my fear. Of course anxiety was rushing over me; I was still going to do it though. We enter a tiny store on the end of the street. The theme is yellow & brown. As I step in, I smell all kinds of delicious smells. This eases my anxiety a little bit. But I still can’t help the fact; I’m barely able to breathe. I’m sweating so much, I can feel it. Chris leads us to a table, over near the far back. ''Hey, I’m just going to head to the bathroom, be back'' I say as I rush to the bathrooms in a hurry. I find the bathrooms, it’s tiny & cramped. I feel so enclosed; I wash my face with cold water from the taps. I can do this I say to myself. Taking deep breaths as I exit the bathroom.

I make my way back to the table, I sit. They are looking through their menus. ''You okay?'' Pj asks. I just nod. My anxiety is swirling around in my stomach. I feel so sick. I need to calm myself down. We all order. I feel my anxiety ease a bit as nothing has happened yet. No robberies, no fires, no gun shots. Everything seems normal. Our drinks soon arrive along with the sandwiches we ordered. Chris grabs his coffee and places it down on the table, adding the sugar. Pj then grabs his smoothie, taking sips. The waitress then hands me my milkshake before placing all three sandwiches on the table. She gives us a smile and walks away. ''Last night was interesting.'' Pj says. I go silent. Oh god, I have to tell them. The times here, I feel the butterflies swirl in my stomach again. ''Uh yeah.'' I say looking down at my drink. ''You want to be with Phil?'' He says. ''Well I clearly can’t now can I, he's gone.'' I mumble. Feeling sad again. I hate talking about it, reminds me how I can never be with him anyway, even in a friend way. ''Yeah, unfortunately, but you did like him? How long for?'' Chris adds. ''I don’t know exactly, I only realised how much I wanted to be with him after he was gone. I started noticing all the little things I can’t be without. I knew what it was like to lose the biggest part of my life, my other half basically. He was next to me in life. Then the other day I told the first person how I felt, Mr Peters. At that time I didn’t even admit to myself that I did, but I know now that I do.'' They both look sad with a sympathy look. ''And yes I know, it’s too late, I can’t have him now. Even if he did wake up, I wouldn’t be able to tell him. He would freak out, and everything would be awkward.'' Chris looks down as Pj says ''I’m glad you told us, you know we are here for you, we support you. I hope you weren’t nervous about telling us because we would never judge you. You're gay, that’s all. You’re the same as any other person. And you never know, if he.. WHEN he wakes up he might feel the same.'' I take a breath. ''But now I’ve told you both and told myself I can now try forget it and move on.'' I smile trying to look strong when really I just wanted to cry. I wanted my best friend back.

''We will be with you through this all; I have hope that he will wake up. It might be a while, but he will fight and come back, for you.'' Chris says. ''And until then we will help you as much as possible to get better, you've already come a long way, you are a lot better than you were a month ago.'' Pj adds. ''Thanks guys, you both are truly amazing for putting up with me.'' ''Mind if we leave now, I really just want to get out of here, all this talk about Phil is getting me down.'' I ask. ''Of course.'' Chris smiles.

 ***

The walk home is quite nice. I feel so relaxed, that talk made me feel so much better and happier. Pj & Chris are so lovely. So now, I’ve told them & myself, I can move on. There’s not much I can do about Phil now, it’s just going to hurt more to stay gloom thinking about him. But thinking of that, it’s going to be hard because come on its Phil. I can feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. We are half way home as someone speaks. ''We are leaving tomorrow so don’t worry we will be out of your way.'' Pj says while smiling. ''No, you guys aren’t intruding, it’s been fun.'' I laugh.

We arrive home; it’s about 3pm now. I’m pretty exhausted. I jump on the couch turning on the TV.  Chris & Pj make themselves comfortable on the other couch. ''I’ve been talking to an old lady friend all day.'' Chris says as he winks at me. I laugh. ''I’m sure you have, what’s her name?'' ''Robin, I know her from an old job.'' he says. ''I’m going to post this selfie of us by the way'' he adds as showing me the photo. ''Alright.'' I say while laughing because my face in the selfie was hilarious. I looked so bad, but I hardly took selfies with Chris, so why not. I can hardly keep my eyes open, why am I tired so early. Although it looks as if Pj’s already asleep on the couch. Haha, he looks so serious when he sleeps. He must be so tired. I turn the TV off so it doesn’t wake him. Chris is now over at the table attached to his phone, texting Robin. I feel my eyes closing. I lay my head on the couch.

That’s all I remember before waking up at 6pm. I sit up and look around. I feel so lazy still, and I’m guessing so does Pj, because he hasn’t moved. He’s still in the same position asleep. I look over to see Chris walking towards me. ‘’Heey, guess what?!'' I just woke up and I’m expected to talk this better be good. ‘’What.’’ I laugh.  ‘’Well uh Robin has a lady friend who is looking for someone, with uh I don’t know the name Dan.’’ He laughs. ‘’How does she know me? I’m confused.'' I say feeling confused. ‘’Well that selfie we took, she saw it, and Robin asked if we were interested in a double date... How great is that!'' He looked happy and cheerful. I wasn’t ready for a date though... I just realised I love Phil… I don’t even think I’m mentally stable for a relationship... But seeing Chris so happy about it, I could tell he was excited and really wanted it to happen. I wasn’t going to say no to him. I’ll just go to the stupid date, and that’s all. ‘’Oh that’s great.’’ I say pretending to be eager.  ‘’When is it?'' I ask. ‘’Tomorrow, who’s a great friend!'' He says sarcastically. I think Chris had forgotten the whole ‘I LOVE PHIL THING’. Its okay, its making him pleased. Maybe it would get my mind of things also?

I’m quite nervous about tomorrow. I don’t really want to go. *swoosh* I got a text, who could it be from? I grab my phone from my pocket. It’s just a non contact number... Weird. 

***

Sorry this chapter wasn't very good, I just procrastinated a lot. Been busy a lot again with school. Ill update soon ^_^ Thank you all for 700 reads! x