Losing Control

Chapter 30 // Coming Clean

Phil's POV:

''DAN TALK TO ME''! This wasn’t going so well. He was a nervous mess. He was freaking out. Why? What was he hiding? I shook him lightly. Trying to reach him. ''Dan, please i'm asking you to open up to me and tell me what is going on''! ''I will not judge you nor hate you. I will support you, you did it for me, and I can return the favour. I’ll be whatever you need. I am here for you. What do you need from me? Why are you acting this way''?! ''Why do you have a problem with Amber''?! Tears stain his face. I loosen my grip realising I’m probably scaring him. I step back. How did we get here? I just sat him down to talk. Why did he say those things about Amber before? ''Dan please, why did you say I should leave Amber, why is she no good for me''? He just stares at me while his lip trembles. He is shaking constantly. A wave of realisation washes over my face as I put the pieces together. ''D-Dan... You don’t like me do you''? I say scared of the answer. Tears roll down his face harder than ever. I feel a sickness in my stomach. This can’t be true. I don’t possibly get it.

He stands tall, with tear filled eyes and red sore eyes. ''Pfft, no''. He shrugs it off. I can tell he is trying to stay strong. I instantly feel so sorry for my best friend. My best friend is standing in front of me obviously broken. Did I do this to him? ''Dan, I am your best friend, I know you better than yourself and you’re clearly lying''. I say as a sadness hits me. ''Okay yes I do, I am completely in love with you Phil''! ''I can’t help it! You are the only friend that I’ve truly had. When I had lost you, it made me realise how much I depended on you and how much I cared for you. You are the thing holding me up most days. I care for you more than friends, more than family. I love you Phil''. He drops his head a bit. I can hear his loud sobs. ''Dan... I love you with all my heart. I will always be standing beside you to have your back. I will always be your best friend. Trust me I love you so so much, you're the best thing in my life. But, I... I c-cant''. He strikes his head up. ''You don’t know until you try it Phil. At first I ignored it but it grew stronger. Try! Try for me! Phil please''. Dan pleads.

Dan's POV:

''You don’t know until you try it Phil. At first I ignored it but it grew stronger. Try! Try for me! Phil please''. I plead. My cries grow louder. I love him so much and I think I just lost him. I finally see him about to speak. ''Dan, I'm sorry, I don’t know what I did to provoke those feelings. If I gave you the wrong signals I’m so sorry. But I don’t have any feelings back. A tear rolls down his cheek. ''I’m going to go stay with Amber tonight okay''. Those words shattered me. I feel every part of me break. I have lost my only friend. I have lost my best friend. I have lost Phil. I have lost everything. IM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT. My face hurts and my lips are dry. But I have to fight for him. ''Phil! Please! Don’t leave. I’m sorry I’m such a fucking idiot. I shouldn’t have felt this way. You probably won’t speak to me again. I’m so sorry for bothering you''. I hang my head down and rest my eyes.

Phil's POV:

The other day I did feel slight feelings for him but I don’t like him. No way that’s crazy. He is my friend. I don’t know I’m confused. But he looks beautiful standing there. His messed hair and red eyes are making me go crazy. I have butterflies. What is happening? Just the way he is so loving and kind makes me happy. Before I even know what I’m doing I grab his cheek with my right hand and stroke his cheek. He looks at me with confusion. I don’t like him like that but I can’t stop myself. I lean in, lips inches away from each other. I can feel his breath on my lips. I kiss him gently on the lips. It feels right and for some reason it left me wanting more. I sit my other hand on his waist and continue kissing him.

I soon find myself pressed up against the wall. He has his left hand wrapped around my neck and the other holding my face. It was hot and passionate. What I was feeling was something indescribable.

Dan's POV:

I have forgotten the feeling of being broken. Has he given me a chance? I’m not complaining whatever was happening I liked it. I kiss his neck. I hear Phil letting out small moans. Ugh he was so hot. His lips were soft like a gentle autumn breeze. I make my way back to his lips. With my right hand I run my fingers through his hair. The heat between our lips allowed a moan to escape my lips. He pulls me closer, deepening the kiss. I breathed heavily as our tongues grazed each other. I felt the hot friction between us become unbearable. I wanted more & more. This lasted for what felt like hours. He was becoming irrespirable. My feelings were raging. Becoming stronger & stronger. As nature took its course, we pulled away to breathe. He took my hands and led me away. I followed not asking any questions. We got to his room and he simply shut the door behind us and held me close. He caressed my cheek. I hadn’t seen this romantic side to Phil, it was so different almost unbelievable. I then knew I had him. I had won him. He was mine. ''Dan, I love you''. He smiled. I felt so warm inside. His touch was more than enough. It’s like when he held me nothing else mattered and every thought disappears. I just smile back and wrap my arms around him and rest my head on his shoulder. His arms wrap around me making me feel secure. I ease myself into his embrace. He then lets go. ''Let’s go to bed, I’m tired''. He smiles and offers me the other side of his bed. I was happy he wasn’t expecting more. Honestly I’m not ready at all for that.

****

I couldn’t sleep, no way. I had just opened up to Phil. I had just spent the night kissing him. That feeling wasn’t going away for a long time. I was too happy to sleep. I turn over to see Phil peacefully sleeping. I remembered what it was like last time. This time I could cuddle him tight. I let go of every care in the world and held him. I rearranged my head on the pillow until I got comfortable and tried to get some sleep.

~The next morning~

I awake to the noise of Phil getting up. The memory of Phil enters my head straight away. I smile as I sit up. ''Morning Phil''. He looks at me with a face full of regret. ''I’m I-I’m so sorry, this was a mistake. I’ve got to go Dan''. At that second in time my heart dropped. I felt like someone had ripped my heart out and dropped it off a bridge and I’m not even exaggerating. I literally couldn’t bare the pain. This pain I felt, was worse than the day it all began when I saw Phil get hit. Worse than the grieving pain. Worse than the pain of him getting transferred. I had never felt this pain before.

****

Ooooh haha. Uhm I expect so much more from this phanfiction and what has come from it isn’t what I wanted. It kind of makes me a bit sad. But to have come this far with my first ever phanfiction is honestly amazing. And to you, the people who read it. I love you all so much haha. Yay chapter 30! I’m thinking of making the chapters a little longer. And maybe wrapping it up soon like no longer than 40. I already have the end planned so just to work on getting there ^-^ Also 'Any Other Name' by Thomas Newman came on the radio while i re-read this & its so dramatic with the music its so funny haha. Thank you all so very much for 9k reads! That’s so close to 10k! Ugh I’m so happy. Please comment/vote because I love feedback. Also you can follow my fan account on Instagram, (@idkphan).