Losing Control

Chapter 27 // More Goodbyes

Dan’s POV:

I lift my head up from my knees, realising I haven’t moved since the 'incident'. All I knew was I wasn’t feeling any better, nor had my head stopped hurting. I’ve been crouched over by my bed for hours it feels like. No sleep at all. No way was I sleeping. I can feel the bags below my eyes, and my hair was in a terrible state. I glance at my phone which was placed about 30cm away from me, as it lights up from a twitter notification. I noticed the time. 8:46 am. Holy fuck. I’ve been here for hours upon hours. I listen out for a noise to try get a clue to as what Matilda was doing. I couldn’t hear a thing. Was she asleep? Or gone? She wouldn’t just leave me would she?

I slowly stand to my feet. Everything I felt last night hadn’t changed a bit. I could still see Emma fall to the ground over & over. The voices and screaming played in my head. It just wouldn’t go away. I walk towards the bathroom in search for the mirror. My hair looks awful. I stand there fixing my hair as the voices in my head only get louder. I stare back at myself in the mirror and I notice how disgusting I look. My eyes are red, puffy, tired looking. I look a mess. I look at myself one last time before wiping away the tears. I try to cover up my tear stained cheeks by rinsing my face. I pick up a towel and dry my face.

I pull the towel down and look up. I get a fright as I see Matilda standing there, eating an apple. ''Oh hey''. I stutter out. She just stares back at me while eating an apple. ''So uh last night, sorry I kind of fell apart on you, just you know everything happened at once, but uh I’m up now''. I say. ''Yeah and you look a mess''. She jokes. I don’t think she gets how serious this is, it is no time for jokes. Does she expect me to laugh? I guess no matter what she always has that go-easy, enjoyable, happy vibe? ''Uh I noticed... U-Uh... The b-''. I find myself chocking on my own words. I just can’t say it. ''The body, yeah I took care of it, it’s alright''. She tells me. My heart beat speeds up. ''What did you do''? I start to panic. ''Dan, just leave it to me, now come eat, you need it''.

I follow her out into the kitchen. I see already cooked bacon & eggs... Even toast. Where does she find the strength for this?! ''I’m not that hungry but thank you''. I tell her taking a seat. I notice she has her bag all packed up. ''Are you leaving straight away''?! I jump to my feet. ''Listen Dan, I’m trying to keep it together for you but truth is I’m scared. I’m terrified, I have to leave for a while. Skip town. I’ll be back and you mustn’t try contact me. Now I’ve been thinking. Tell Phil about it if you think its right. I never wanted this all to happen. I’m so sorry. But you're safe now. I can leave happy''. She says giving me a reassuring smile. ''Matilda, I’m so sorry I brought you into this, I really am. I just-''. I feel my eyes water. ''Dan, shut up, its fine. I’m fine, you’ll be fine. I’m just sorry I can’t stay and help you. I have to go now''. She hurries to her bag and picks it up. ''Dan, I’m going to miss you, you’re fun. See you when I can''. She leans over and kisses me on the check. She then walks towards the door. ''MATILDA''! I yell. She turns back to me. ''Stay safe''. I demand. She smiles and leaves.

****

I feel so alone. So the only thing I know how to do best during this situation is cry. I lay in my bed and hide away from the world for a while.

****

A couple hours later, I get a call. I remember my phone is still on the ground beside my bed. I look down and answer it. ''Hello, its Amy Hetchbale, I’m calling to talk to you about Philip Lester's release''. I sit up in shock and excitement. ''Is there a time you’re available to pick him up''? She asks politely. I look around, looking at the mess. And I still look like shit. ''Daniel''? She asks worried. ''Would you like to get him now''? She asks again. ''Oh sorry, uhm, today isn’t a good day... I uhm am with family, how about tomorrow''? ''Sure, I will write that down, anytime tomorrow just come by and take him home''. I do a fake laugh to make things less awkward and well I have nothing to say and I want to get off the phone. ''Have a great day, goodbye now''. She hangs the phone up.

I’m so fucked. I need to make myself look decent and tidy. I need to make things nice for when Phil comes home. I have to make everything perfect. And maybe tomorrow I should pick up some take out. All these thoughts rushing through my head yet I still can’t stop thinking about Emma. What about her friends and family? The flashbacks and voices return. I can’t take it anymore. I sob my hardest for the last time. This is the last time I can do this, no breaking down in front of Phil!

****

Yeah this chapter was shit but haven’t updated and it needed to be done. Thank you for support up to now, I hope people are enjoying the story a bit more. Took so long to get to this point in the story haha. Bye for now xx