EreMika: You Broke My Heart... And I'll Fix It Myself

The New Ally

(Mikasa's POV)

Starting the day was painfully slow and boring for me. Doing the usual morning routine felt forced since I had nothing to do today. And since yesterday, after trying to look for Eren, I didn't want to get out of the house today.

I put on some YouTube videos in the kitchen on the laptop as I ate some cereal and watched. Nothing really interesting was going on other than fake drama or fake diss tracks made for the views. And some people reporting on it.

I finished breakfast and went to my room and looked myself in the mirror. I saw the guilt-riddled reflection of me stare back and felt how disgusting I am. Though I'm not depressed enough to commit suicide.

'Maybe one day though. One day...'

My abs have developed. And my body is trying to show its 'feminine' side but it can't since this whole man-power thing going on with my daily workouts is still going strong. Well my body is doing its thing when it comes to 'feminine stuff'. I don't wanna talk about it since all things related to this is sad and I'm busy thinking of my ex.

It's been over a year since Eren has left. It has been different ever since and I'm still trying to get used to it.

I wonder if he really hates me that much. He was sensitive sometimes but he didn't express it that much. I still wonder to this day if he still thinks about me and wished to confront me about what happened.

I expect him to hate me. All this time we were together like the perfect couple of a fairy tale. And what happened to us was so unexpected to him. I was somewhat aware of what I was doing but I couldn't do anything about it. Until it was too late...

I'm such a bitch.

It's weird really. I always felt that he's a big part of my life but now I feel this even more than before...

I just need to find him and tell him everything but I can't. I can't go to him, I can't message him, hell he even blocked me on all his social media profiles! I won't make fake profiles because I'm not a life invader! I won't invade his privacy and stuff and just stalk him online! Stalking is not my profession.

Although I was pretty sure that the house I went to was his, I didn't find him there or all over the city I looked in for him.

I should give him a little bit more time, but how long should I wait?! Maybe he'd forget all about me in time.

I'm sick, tired and disgusted of this situation. Maybe i should buy a sword and find Eren. And when I do I'll kneel before him and tell him everything. Then I'll let him decide whether or not to forgive me or cut my head with the sword as punishment.
That way I'll be free of my guilt and I'd be fine with both outcomes. Either is good enough to serve as the conclusion of this story.

I decided to go to Lenz's house even though I didn't feel like going out of the house, but I did anyways.

I arrived at her house and noticed that no car was parked in the driveway so I suspected that her parents aren't home since they always park in front of the house for reasons unknown.

I went to the back and saw that Krista's window was slightly open. I won't say she's super clever but in her defense, I could shay she was probably too tired to notice.
And like the privacy-invader I am, which I said I wasn't, but I still am.
I opened the window and entered her room. And there she was, sleeping like the little clumsy angel she is.