It seemed to take an eternity for Nick to speak again. Finally, he cleared his throat & began to talk. "It's really hard to put into words all the thoughts I have in my head, right now, but I'm going to do my best." He said, looking me in the eyes.
I nodded, trying not to scream at him, to hurry the hell up & spit it out. I smiled, wanting to laugh at that thought in my head.
"At first, I didn't think the feelings I started to have for you were genuine, which fucked with my head. That still kinda fucks with my head, honestly. I'm still not sure they're genuine feelings that could lead to love. I think maybe the feelings were more sexual & that scares me." Nick folded his hands & leaned on his knees. He didn't look up as often as he continued speaking. "And before you try to argue about it, let me explain why I was worried the feelings weren't romantic love." Nick lifted his gaze to look at me, briefly, then he turned to look toward the other part of the living room. "Something my dad told me, when I was little, popped into my head when I first started to feel different. He used to say that the moment he laid eyes on my mom, that he knew she was the one. And then my grandpa used to say when he first met my grandmother he felt like she was the one he would grow old with. When Kevin met Dani he said he just knew because he couldn't stop thinking about her, from the very beginning. So I couldn't help but wonder, why didn't I feel that way about you from day one?" He looked at me, but I knew he didn't want me to answer. Shit, I didn't even have an answer for him. Nick sat up & took a deep breath. "I know you had feelings for me, at one point & I have no idea how you feel now..."
"I'm falling in love with you." I blurted out, then pressed my lips together, because I didn't mean to speak. "I'm sorry."
Nick's eyes looked upwards, then he hung his head. "You need to get over those feelings. We can't be together."
"You want me to fall out of love with you? Or stop myself from falling in love with you?"
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His head snapped up to look at me. "Yes. We can't keep going back & forth & I'm not willing to risk losing you, to see if maybe we could have a relationship. I know I could fall in love with you. Hard, in fact. Shit, I've probably already started to fall in love with you. But if this didn't work out, I'd have twice the heartbreak. I'd lose the deep love & I'd lose the love of my best friend. I know you're going to say that you wouldn't stop being my friend, but I can't risk it. I'm sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's how I feel. I can't let myself fall in love with you & if we started dating, that's what would happen. It's better if we just try to move on. Date other people. See what else is out there. Maybe there's some other people we are supposed to be with forever..."
"And if there's not?" I couldn't keep quiet.
"I think there is. I don't think you're the one I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life."
"Because of what you think should have happened the day we met?"
Nick nodded & I clicked my tongue & rolled my eyes, fighting the urge to cry. I had angry tears burning the back of my eyelids. "Demi, please... this is how I feel. I'm too scared to take a chance. I'm terrified of losing you, of losing our friendship. Please understand & respect how I feel."
