Last year was complicated. I'm not talking about my album either. Nor am I talking about the year that my last album was inspired by. I'm talking about 2016, the year that I went on tour with my best friend. It was also the year that I suddenly saw that best friend in a whole new light. This is why it was complicated.
The first part of last year was fine. I was enjoying success with my music & my tv show, Kingdom. I was loving the single life, enjoying the company of beautiful women whenever I felt like it. Things weren't complicated at all & I was grateful. Then my best friend, Demi Lovato sang a song, in front of me, before we went on tour & everything changed.
My best friend became the object of my desire in a matter of minutes & it scared the shit out of me as well as shocked the shit out of me. I'd never had those kinds of feelings for Demi before. Sure I've always thought she was attractive & when I was younger I went through periods of time, usually short ones, when I was single, that I felt like, maybe, I had a crush on her. It was never feelings in my heart. It was never anything more than just lusting after a beautiful girl I enjoyed spending time with. The crush came & went & I usually thought of it as a crush of convenience.
Now, I see Demi in this new light. I see her differently. I think of her differently. I act differently when I'm around her. It became annoying, honestly.
I used to hear Demi laugh & it would make me happy. Now when I hear her laugh I never want it to stop. I want to be the one to make her laugh for the rest of her life. Her smile always used to make me feel amazing, but now when I see her smile, my heartbeat quickens & I feel elated more than words could ever describe.
Demi's body has always been desirable. I've thought she had an amazing ass, but now when I see her ass, I imagine it in ways I shouldn't imagine it, as her best friend. When she's near me, I feel aroused & want to make love to her, desperately. I'd close my eyes, sometimes & Demi's body would appear. Sometimes it was her on stage or sometimes it was her in a sexy photo shoot. Often, it was her in a hot as fuck selfie, she'd posted on Instagram.
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Those warm brown eyes of hers, have always been able to see into my soul & they've always clued me into her feelings. One look into her eyes, I would know her mood. Now her eyes made my heart skip a beat. When I look into them now, I see my future. I see her in a veil, promising to love me forever. I see her crying from pure joy while she holds our child, in her arms, for the first time. I see her as a beautiful older woman, with years of wisdom, in her gaze as she sits beside me on the couch, watching home videos of our amazing life together.
Demi & I have both been huggers, all our lives. We hug everyone. Always have. It's something we were raised doing. Hugging her always made me feel incredible, but now her hugs were so much more. It was like I was covered with a warm blanket of armor. I felt loved & safe, something I wanted her to feel from me, in return. I hoped she always felt loved & safe when she was with me, even if we were merely just friends.
