Unsaid Things

Frustration

I will never understand how a 16 year old can have so little freedom. I haven't been out with my friends in almost a year and yet you still say no. Every time I ask to do something that doesn't involve school, it's no. Why is that? Why am I not allowed to have friends that are boys? You always beat me down by saying things like "who you datin this week?" or "you don't need to have a boyfriend all the time" do you not understand how much that hurts me? Or do you even care. I've asked you 100's of times to stop and yet you still criticize me every single time I mention a guys name. I have guy friends, I shouldn't be made to feel like I can only hang out with girls. 

I should be allowed to go places once in awhile.  I'm tired of being told I'm not paying enough attention to him or I need to be a real mother to him. It fucking hurts, but you don't seem to care. I do the best I can for him and that's never good enough for you.I will never be good enough. I'll never get good enough grades, or be a good enough mother, or a good enough child. I will never be able to please you. Why the hell even try? You always tell me I need to stop asking to hang out with people but then you yell at me because I'm lazy and stay in the house all the time. Mom yells at me and emotionally abuses me, but you play it off as no big deal. You say "don't tell anyone, it's not their business" or when she hit me you said "she didn't mean it, that's no reason to split up a family" 

I'm tired of not being able to go anywhere by myself. I'm 16 years old, I should be able to do that. Holy shit, I'm not going to get hurt or lost or beat up or any of that. You just don't trust me. And I'm fucking tired of it. I'm going to be one of those kids who leaves home and never ever comes back because of the way you treated me when I was a child.

~Unsaid Things to my father~