Unsaid Things

Dark thoughts

"I poured myself into you even though I was empty. I gave and gave but never received. I tore out my soul and tied it around your wrist, hoping and praying that you would wear my heart on your sleeve. Hoping that you would feel even half of what I felt for you. I handed you every single piece of me. I tried to put my broken pieces in the cracks of your heart. I tried to put you back together and fix your soul. I followed your footsteps on my knees, kissing the shadows you left behind. I offered my body as a pillow, as a release, as a pleasure. I held you together while my wrists burned red, held you together despite the chaos inside my own mind. My heart was yours from the very first day, my thoughts all wrapped up around you, and my dreams danced with you. You could have told me to jump and I would have found the highest bridge. If you told me to write, I would have given you a novel. I gave and gave but it was never enough for you. I gave everything I had until the day you left and I would still give you my last breath. A part of me died when you left. I want to say all of me did but I'm still here. I'm still breathing even though I feel like I'm suffocating. My heart is still beating even though I wish it wasn't. And I can pretend that I'm ok, but the truth is I still break down when our song is played on the radio. And I can't make myself throw away our pictures together because late at night, I still look at them and remember us. I'm trying really hard to be ok with everything because I know it doesn't bother you one bit. You continue on with life as normal. But I don't want to be ok with everything, because that means accepting that you left. And I will never want to accept the fact that I wasn't good enough for you to stay. You have the luxury of being able to forget everything and turn it all off. You don't lay awake at night thinking about me. You said yourself that people are just a disposable form of entertainment for you. And I was no different then a broken X-Box. When you were done with me, you would throw me in the trash and get rid of me. I know that you don't think about me anymore, I don't matter to you. I sometimes wonder if I ever really did matter to you at all. When you broke up with me and said that I would still be your best friend and you still cared about me, I knew you were lying. I've heard from you twice since you broke up with me. Twice in almost 3 months. You don't care what happens to me at all, and you know what? I would still give you the world. I wonder all the time why I wasn't enough for you.  There have been a lot of times that I'm driving down the road and I'll remember something that we did together and I'll smile or laugh. I miss us, a lot. I miss the laughs we had or the random little things we did together. And I know you're doing just fine without me. And that's ok, because I want you to do the best that you can in life. I know you'll be successful, I have no doubt about that. I just wish I could stand by your side while you accomplish it.... 

~Unsaid things to an ex