Unsaid Things

Why?

I have found myself asking this a lot the past week. Why me? Why wasn't I enough? What could I have done better? Why did it have to happen?  I wonder these things all the time. I know better then to think that I will get any answers but I still ask myself all those questions. 

I tried so hard to be good for you and I know some days I failed. But I put in everything I had for you only for it to be thrown away and labeled useless. At least that's what it felt like. All i asked for was communication and most days I talked to your sister more then I talked to you. I didn't ever want to message you more the twice though, because I didn't want to bother you. But damn, all i wanted was a relationship where the effort went both ways. You said we would still be good friends and I don't even see an effort there. You broke up with me and left. I've heard from you one time in a week. You left and you left for good. So what happens to all of the plans we made? Going to the fair, to museums, on walks, picnics, or a concert? What happens now. 

I heard that you told someone that you were going to marry me. When they told me that, I wanted to cry. Why would you tell someone that when you had no intention of ever going through with it? You loved me one day and felt nothing for me the next day and I still have a hard time figuring that out. I just don't understand how someone could give you everything and then you could just leave with no reason or regrets. 

I'm not mad at you for what you did. You are your own person and I can't make you do anything or feel a certain way. But it destroyed me. I couldn't drive home, I pulled over and called a friend so they could calm me down and I sat there and cried for a good 30 minutes. I loved you with everything I had. I still love you and I always will. But I still want the best for you, that's what I have always wanted. Just the best and whatever makes you happy. I know you're going to do good things in life and you'll become successful and have a nice house with a beautiful view and lots of money. After all, that's what you want right? That's what it always was. 

I'm just sorry I wasn't enough for you. 

~Unsaid things to a wonderful man