Unsaid Things

How the day went

November 2nd, when I came over to your house, I didn't expect anything to happen. I expected to come over for an hour while you got your life together. Oh how I was wrong. 

I came over around 12:45, came in with the things I had collected for you and we sat down on the couch and you went through the box with me. Then you took a break from unpacking things and you played a bit for me. I love watching you play the guitar, the way you look so concentrated when you play, it absolutely amazes me. I've always loved to watch you play though, I hope I can watch you more. Anyway, so we went into your bedroom and you stared to put the things on your bed away, mostly clothes and coats. I helped you put the sheet and cover on your bed and when we had finished, you sat down and you looked so relaxed. So at peace. I asked you how it felt and you said "just how it should" I sat there on the edge of the bed for a moment and you looked at me and said "commere" and opened your arms to me. I took my shoes off and cuddled up with you. We just laid there in each others arms for a while, completley content in each others company with out saying anything. My heart was going like 900 bpm anyway but then when you started to stroke my hair and play with my ear, it went up. So many different thoughts were going through my head in those few minutes I was laying there with you and we were quiet. I didn't bring it up, but the night before I had a dream that I was talking to you and I got frustrated and you slid your hand over my cheek and lifted my face to meet yours and you kissed me. You did that. You did the hand thing and you kissed me for the first time in 2 years. I didn't know how much I had missed it... How much I enjoyed it. I could tell that it had been a while for you because you started getting excited and rushing things, which was unusual for you. Normally you're paced out and steady. As usual, the kissing lead into our normal activities. And after we were done, we went on as if nothing happened. You didn't mention it again and neither did I. It makes me wonder what's in our future together. I want to be your friend and hang out together often. But that made me overthink everything because I don't want to be used and hidden again. I'll do anything to be around you even if it's just for a little bit. But I want to be your friend, not someone you have sex with and don't tell anyone about. I went through that once before and I don't really want to be that again. I mean don't get me wrong, I will. And I'll do it willingly, but I don't want to... I enjoy what we do but I also don't want to be used for just that purpose. I loved sitting on the couch with you and going through our favorite songs together. Listening to you sing and play along, it was amazing and I would give almost anything to be able to do that like 3 times a week. I just hope I'm not hidden again... I hated that the first time, I'm not sure if I could go through it again...