UNIVERSE / BTS.

03: queer / sope

QUEER
( part two )

WORD COUNT 1.3k
OVERVIEW hoseok plays "the knight in shining flannel", and walks yoongi home. ( trans!bts au, brief mentions of self harm )
P

LAYLIST 2U / jjk cover, rain / bts, neverland / holland

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     THERE WAS AN AWKWARD silence after yongguk asked that question, no one really wanting to go first. glances were exchanged, hoseok and yoongi practically having a staring contest, before changbin spoke up, their voice gentle.

"i, uh, well..." they coughed a little, sounding ill. they rolled up the sleeve of their hoodie, revealing around a dozen almost neat scars on their wrist, up to their joint. yoongi gnawed on the inside of their lip– they look old, yoongi mentally reassured themselves, changbin is probably clean.

changbin had a proud look on their face, and they pointed at the scars. "i'm twelve weeks clean. three full months." they had tears of joy in their eyes, smiling properly for the first time in months. "i made it, guys."

yongguk was beaming, and amber whooped, a large grin on her face. taehyung and chaeyong were clapping, namjoon shooting changbin his famous dimpled grin, and youngjae smiled widely. hoseok clapped too, although he barely knew changbin, but yoongi knew the boy had his own history.

"i'm proud of you, bin," yongguk smiled. changbin nodded proudly. "anyone else have anything?"

"well, i've started talking more," yoongi offered, shrugging. "uh, i'm slowly accepting that i can be feminine without it being a bad thing, and jimin's been helping me with makeup and stuff." it could've been yoongi's imagination, but it looked like hoseok's cheeks were flushing at the thought of them in makeup.

"that's good, yoongi, i'm glad you're more comfortable in your skin," yongguk remembered when he had first met yoongi; a short, angry and confused girl who wore oversized clothing and didn't bind safely, but had soon managed to find themselves. "and your mental health?"

"all good, apart from the very, and i mean very rare breakdowns," yoongi looked knowing at namjoon, who nodded. "but i've got my pills and my friends."

"hoseok?" yongguk looked at the orange haired boy, who nodded and sat forward, like an eager dog. yoongi smiled; hoseok had always reminded them of an overexcited puppy. "you're new, do you have any personal things you want to share? how about your past, if you're okay with talking about that?"

"i'm open to talk about anything," hoseok shrugged. "my past is kind of messy, i guess; i got kicked out of my house at fourteen for liking girls, back when i thought i was one. i lived with a friend for a year, while still figuring myself out. i found out about the whole trans thing thanks to that friend, whose partner was agender, i think?" hoseok was very expressive as he spoke, gesturing and smiling a lot. "i got researching, and it was when i turned sixteen that i was sure i wasn't female. then i started living with youngjae, because my parents had told me never to come back to them," hoseok carefully rolled up the leg of his jeans, revealing a criss-cross pattern of scars on his calf. "this happened exactly nineteen months ago, i've been clean ever since, and i've never been diagnosed with depression, but i know that sadness is the worst thing to endure."