Afraid To Fall In Love

...Of The Past

Mahmud

As the days passed by, everything became strange and unbearable, I couldn't take my mind off her, I made up silly excuses just to see her, at this point even Mamie is starting to suspect.

My actions were beginning to scare me, could I really be in love, the first and only time I felt something like love was about seven years ago, something I never want to remember, I had lost my heart ever since. But this is different, it felt good but was hurting at the same time because at the end of the day they all leave,

I am not ready to put myself in that kind of position, no body will leave me lost and vulnerable not this time, I thought I could choose if I got hurt or not, I have failed, it hurts now even without letting it to.

When ever I look at her, I feel my heart pounding in my chest, it feels good and hurts at the same time, I just cannot lose her, my heart wouldn't be able to bare it at all.

Why did Mamie bring her here, perhaps I need to go far from here, as far as possible otherwise I would never be able to control what I feel, because I am beginning to see her everywhere, a week ago I had to take my sisters out just to see that smile of hers and we spent all day out because I couldn't get enough of it,

If I continue to give in to my desire, history would repeat itself, and I wasn't going to let that happen, I won't be vulnerable not again not ever, I think I should go somewhere peaceful for a while.

I closed from office a little late, tired and famished, I went straight home took a shower and got dressed in a white T-shirt and grey pants and went to Mamie's room,

Everyone was seated in Mamie's room going through some magazines, everyone kept staring as if I was having two heads, I moved closer to my mother resting my head on her lap,

I didn't even wait for us to exchange pleasantries before I started complaining about how hungry and tired I was, pouting like a little baby,

"I am actually thinking of retiring" Mamie said smiling shyly at me,

"You don't have a job so what are you retiring from?" A confused me asked,

" well I am old now, and I have your father to take care of and honestly it is starting to drain me" she laughed,

As soon as she ended the statement I knew where the conversation was going but I didn't want to say anything yet, I decided to play dumb,

"What are you saying, Abbah is barely home and you have maids to help you out or do you need more, you can always hire as many as you would like, let's not forget the three grown ass women you are giving free food" I said pointing at my sisters,

" Yaya" they all chorused,

" leave my children alone, what I mean to say is, you have a wife, she should be the one taking care of you, that's the reason I wanted you to get a wife" Mamie whined,

I began to steal glances and you could see how uncomfortable she got, I wanted to actually lower my gaze but I couldn't, she was looking absolutely dashing in a pink panther pajama,

"Minali" Mamie called after a moment of silence,

"Mamie na" she answered with a bright smile,

"I want you to take care of Mahmud's needs from now on, I will assign Rabbi and Maryam to help you out with what ever you need, can you do that for me?" Mamie asked,

Her bright smile faded, and you could tell she was on the verge of tears but went ahead to answer "Anything for you Mamie na", I just cant believe how mature and sensible she had grown.