Afraid To Fall In Love

Untold Stories

I had been home for two days now and I really wasn't felling any better, my heart would ache more each time something reminds me of our last visit, I was hurting more than I felt about losing Nazeer or the unintended wedding, but  this time the tears where almost nowhere to be found, I couldn't let my sorrows out, I had lost everything...my appetite was the least of my problems.

I avoided everyone so they wouldn't talk about Mahmud or bring up anything that had to do with him, as much as I liked to play with baby Noorie I didn't care to check up on her since I arrived. I would stay in my room all day staring at the wall until the room was dark and I could see the moon from my window.

I had grown really sick over the days but No one had really noticed, as they all thought it was because I was hurt and malnurished at the same time. Ammi got worried seeing how the maid would take my food back to the kitchen untouched.

"Salamu alaikum" Amrah entered the room with a salam and walked over to where I laid facing the window.

"Ummnoorie Ummnoorie!" She tapped me on the shoulder hoping to cheer me up but non of that worked even though I liked the way she called me ummnoorie.

She tapped again and again " seeing you like this breaks our hearts especially Ammi's" she sighed "she keeps blaming herself for everything, for keeping quite when you were forced into a relationship you didn't plan for just to save the reputation of this family...no one is at fault Mie, it was destined to happen and I know Mahmud...he...he wouldn't..." she stood up shaking her head in emphasis while my cries grew louder.

"Mamie just called to find out how you are doing, he is in the same situation as you...only worse because everyone has turned their backs on him, he doesn't go to work, he doesn't eat, he hasn't been out of the house in weeks...... what do you want Minal, hasn't he proved himself enough" she asked holding my hands as tight as she could before Ammi came into the room with Baaba Dije following behind her with a bowl of pepper soup.

I quickly wiped my tears and replaced it with a smile so she wouldn't notice. I wonder why Ammi brought along Baaba Dije aka gossip center to see me.

We exchanged pleasantries before she brought forward the bowl of pepper soup not knowing that I have been tolerating the awful smell of the soup since she opened the door. I quickly ran to the bathroom to relieve myself of the little I had managed to eat as I could taste the contents of my stomach in my mouth.

"Shikenan ya tabbata" I heard her say from where I stood washing my pale looking face. Everyone stared as I came out drying my face with a small towel...as uncomfortable as their gazing eyes were I was curious to find out what Baaba Dije was being all dramatic about but before I could Ammi caught me by the wrist and dragged me towards the door straight to her room.

She sat me down on her bed and went back to close the door behind "are you okay?" She asked placing her hands on my neck and forehead.

"I am fine" I assured but she still wasn't convinced and I had no idea where all the questions where leading to,

"When did you see your last period" she asked looking at me.... I thought for a while but couldn't say the answer out loud.

She asked again and this time with all seriousness, I couldn't lie or keep quite " before we traveled to...." I froze, "Noo..nooo...no" I said confused and in doubt.

Ammi was quite for a while before walking into her closet and came out carrying two long hijabs, she wore one and passed me the other without saying a word she took her keys from the drawer and helped me up from where I sat.

I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I could be carrying a child...what if our marriage comes to an end, my life is over...will I go back then and live with a cheating husband for the sake of this child? I asked my self as I could see the open gates of the hospital. I began to panic from within,  I didn't want to worry Ammi any more than she is already but I was hoping it could be a minor issue caused by hormonal inbalance of some sort, I wouldn't be able to bare it.