Afraid To Fall In Love

Living Nightmares

Its been a while since I started tolerating  Mahmud and his tantrums, he really doesn't seem that bad but I still find him really annoying especially the way he follows me around like a lost puppy.

The promises I made to his mother keeps tormenting my soul, though as time goes by I feel more relieved trying to keep up with it. I am starting to notice the way he looks at me as if I am the only living person in the room, and when our eyes meet it's like the world is at a stand still, "weird right?"

Today for the the first time after several days of pleading I had agreed to go out with Mahmud for lunch and I can't stop thinking of what to wear and why I am so anxious and enthusiastic about this lunch.

I performed a two raka'at prayer before Zuhur and went into the bathroom soaking away my worries in a perfumed bathtub as the warmness of the water relieved me of very bit of stress.

It took me an our to decide on what I was going to were, and finally I settled on a peach and ash long sleeved couture dress with a very light makeup and a peach scarf to go with my lovely dress I came out looking elegant and breathtaking as the comments kept coming from Mamie and Amani who were waiting for me in the living room not to forget the teasing from Nasreen.

I met him outside in the garage, he was looking like a picture on the cover of a fashion magazine, he almost caught me staring. He opened the front door ushering me in. I wasn't in love with him but it sure felt good... Really good.

He pulled over at some Italian restaurant I have never even heard of, it was so classy and posh, the red carpet isle, the maroon and gold deco was to die for. I was carried away by the huge Chandler in the middle of the hall giving a glossy spark to the gold fabrics on the tables as he confirmed our reservations.

"May we?" A tiny voice brought me back from my little imaginary world, it came from a young lady standing right next to me with a very bright smile. I smiled back following behind her as she led us to our table.

"Did I mention how gorgeous you are looking?" He asked with his eyes stationed on mine as he gave me his seductive smile, I smiled back then looked away..shyly going through the menu.

"What would you like to have" a middle aged man asked patiently waiting to take our orders.

"I would have some cotoletta and spiced shrimps" Mahmud answered politely.

"Spaghetti and meatballs would do" I request,

"Right away" he answered pouring us each a glass of cold water before leaving.

It took a couple of minutes before our food was served and in that period I had to put up with Mahmud running his mouth telling me how much he loves my smile alone, it was an essay long I tell you.

As soon as i had the first bite my phone began to ring in my clutch, I hung my head down reaching for the phone before it drew any more attention, but he was quick to hold my hand.

"No phones!... Remember?" He gave me a convincing pout so I place the phone next to me on the table muting it.

I watched the phone ring over and over again, though it was a number unknown to me I was still tempted to answer, I kept staring at the phone ring while he spoke about God knows what.

"Minal" he spoke reaching for my hands, " I guess its important" he continued seeing the way the phone is ringing non stop.

"Salamu alaikum" I answered waiting for a response.

"Wa alaikis salam my Minali" I heard his voice coming through from the other side of the line, his melodious voice that was once music to my ears, the only person who called me his, the only man who loved me the way I wanted to be loved and tore my heart apart when I needed him most, the same man that loved me as much as he hurt me. How was I suppose to react, he caught me off guard, I couldn't say a word, it felt like I was being buried under all sorts of emotions,