Crash: Forsaken

Confrontations

A/N

My authors note's usually at the end, but I feel like it should be the first thing this time.

I may not live in a country where there are school shootings, I may not know the terror that struck every student who was at a school shooting, I DON'T know anything about it, but my heart severely hurts for each and every student, their parents and their friends. I can't even begin to fathom how it feels going to your school and not feeling safe. I wish their could be anything to do to stop it- not something for just me to do-just anything. Prayers to whatever holy you believe in that you'd be safe and sound along everyone else.

In light of such tragedy, appreciate your life, your friends, your parents, every simple thing- even the table corner you stab your foot pinky in. Just appreciate it.

Another side note, many may feel worthless, imperfect, tarnished or whatever negative adjective you can think of, YOU'RE NOT! I swear to you YOU ARE NOT. Whatever holy you believe in, whoever you think created you, HE/SHE/IT LOVES YOU THE WAY YOU ARE. PERFECT IS MISERABLE!! And if you ever feel like you want to let go once and for all,, I plead with you to talk to someone, don't bottle it in, please! And if not,, while it may seem eye rolling worthy,, visit 13reasonswhy.info .

My over all message is, be safe.

Thank you.

Truth is, you're not okay, but you'll be. You'll hold on, but you'll let go. It'll be difficult, but you'll do it. You're feeling weak, but be strong.

∆∆∆∆∆∆

My life before the accident was so different than this broken record I'm living in right now. I didn't have feelings for a boy, and that let me fuck as many as I wanted, fucking guys WAS something I enjoyed so damn much, yet now when I think of myself with a random guy, I can only think of how disappointed Derek would be in me. I had Betty who reminded me of Dylan, I had shallow people surrounding me, and that made me feel fitted in- I didn't feel like the outcast that I am, I didn't feel the knives in my back or the glass embedded by the ones I love in my heart. I had managed to numb the feeling I got when I thought of Dylan's betrayal; I know he left because if he was dead, we would've found him. He was always the best at hide and seek unless he wanted to be found. I didn't ever NEED Asher, but now with all those feelings crushing me, weighing me down as I'm drowned by my own demons, he got his chance to twist the knife he rammed in my back months ago.

As I stood there, in front of Derek's house, I willed my heart to stop aching for a few hours while I'm in there for Alexis- that's what you do when your best friend calls you, crying her eyes out, asking for your company; you put aside your own heartbreak.

If she needs ice cream buckets down her stomach, then I have that covered. If she needs sugary shit down her throat, then I've got that covered too- all thoughts of the gigantic numbers of calories aside.

I wiped furiously under my eyes trying to get the teary-mascara stains off for I wasn't here to steal the light from her.

I tried to put my best fake smile on, but I couldn't. I couldn't have my face twisted up in fake happiness anymore for tonight for I am breaking and faking happiness broke me even further- faking being okay was breaking me- Asher was breaking me all over again. I want to be and am here for Alexis, but I cannot pretend I don't have my own troubles.

I rung the door bell before I pushed the door open only for her sobbing to reach my ears right away in greeting. She didn't tell me what was going on, but obviously something big happened.

"Alexis?" I called following her sobs.

"She's in there," Olly whispered, motioning towards the kitchen coming to stand next to me.