Crash: Forsaken

Dick

After I had left school early, as I felt like I was going to burst into tears any minute, I called Alexis and invited her to a college party with me. If it's one thing I know for sure about college kids, it's that they're always throwing a party when you feel like going to one. I was so excited, it's been ages since my last college party, yet now I am standing in front of my house just looking at it and thinking about how miserable I am living here. These walls are trapping me while I'm being haunted by my fears.

I miss Dylan.
I'm hurt.
I'm drowning and for the first time I really don't have anyone to pull me out from under.
I'm shouting, but no one can hear me.
I'm screaming, yet my voice isn't actually there.
I miss Dylan.

For the first time in the longest period of time, my heart broke. It cracked, and a few pieces fell for I had actually thought that Derek liked me- I thought that he was different; genuine- that modern knight in shinning armor on a white horse. I thought I'd warmed my way into his heart just like he had with me. I thought that he cared at least a tad bit.

You're always wrong.

I pushed the library door ajar and fell to the floor as sobs racked through my body, and tears dropped like rain from my clouded eyes. I had laid my heart out, and almost everyone stomped on it. Once, I had vowed to never do that again, yet I did for Derek, and he stomped on it the hardest.

"Alissa!" Came a very unfamiliar yet a so familiar voice making me cry even more. "Alissa, are-are you okay?" He asked.

Jack. I couldn't find it in me to yell at him to get out, to leave me be my miserable self that he had a hand in creating. I couldn't find it in me to do anything but cry it all out. I didn't have it in me to fight today- now. I just want to cry and let it all out for I am tired of holding back!

"Alissa, what happened?" He asked kneeling beside me.

Unsurprisingly, I can't help it with the truth; I don't want to be Alissa kai. The girl who everyone thought of as a shallow slut. I want to be someone normal with a normal family with a normal love life. Just NORMAL. I guess when you've always been on the edgy side of the candle, you long for the normality the other end offers, at whatever cost. I want my life to be silent, nothing more than to just be out of the damn spotlight. I don't want to be surprised when my brother tries to comfort me. I want it to be okay for me to fail and make mistakes- and do what I want with whoever I want without being viciously judged.

Sometimes, it all just gets a little too much.

"Mom!" He called.

"Get out," I managed to let out between sobs leaning away from him.

"Alissa, what happened? Tell me!"

Everything's coming down now; crashing down onto my shoulders- weighing me down. Every simple detail that brought a frown onto my face is now in one big clump that's drowning me in the deepest darkest ocean that is my mind. From how Timothy treated me to how Tia snarls at me in the hallway to how every freaking guy, no exceptions, thinks I'm a cheap slut.

"What happened!" Mom's voice sounded, yet I found no console in hearing it.

Why had Derek called me a slut? Why hadn't he defended me? I refuse to believe that all the moments we share were just levels in his game. Could that really be the case? No, these aren't the right questions, these kind of questions are probably what got me here in the first place. Why am I stupid enough to think that there's an explanation. He's a teenage boy, and we're in high school, I shouldn't be expecting anything but this.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Alexis' number knowing that if I call her seeking comfort, she wouldn't think about it twice- heck, not even once.

"Hey!"