Broken

• Chapter 80 •

"Nice place..."

I glance around Adrien's room. He's shuffling at the other end of the room, stuffing dirty laundry into his closet. There are beer bottles everywhere. An ashtray filled with cigarettes, chip bags, and empty pizza boxes fill his room. For a health-nut, his room doesn't reflect it.

"You room with five rats, too?" I grimace as I pick up a ziplock bag filled with God knows what.

He grins, "Sorry. The guys are here all the time, and they're disgusting. But hey hey hey, don't mock the manliness of this room. I'm a dude, it's supposed to smell like ass and look like shit."

"Says who?"

"Manly people," he shrugs.

I purse my lips and step into the center of the room, taking my eyes off the floor to the walls. There's a poster of a naked woman on the beach, holding a hand to her mouth in shock as though to say can you believe this? Sand! At the beach!

I can't help but compare his room to Ashton's tidy one, and how he would never have a tacky poster like this hanging up on his wall. And suddenly, I feel sick.

"So, where were we?"

Adrien places his hands on my hips, pulling me close. He leans in for a passionate kiss, swirling his tongue inside my mouth. See, two minutes ago, I would probably have been turned on. But now... I can't help the terrible pit in my stomach.

I can't stop thinking about Ashton.

He leads me to his bed and sets me down gently. My head makes a ruffling sound as it hits his mattress. I look up, finding an empty bag of chips.

"... Seriously?"

He shrugs and offers me a sheepish smile as he positions himself on top of me. I roll my eyes at him as he brings his lips back to mine. I'm really not in the mood, right now. His room is disgusting. It's like a frat house. Are there bugs in his bed?

WHAT IF THERE ARE BUGS CRAWLING IN MY HAIR RIGHT NOW?

His kisses trail down to my shoulder and upper breasts. He cups one with his hand as he kisses my collarbone. All I'm thinking about are the possible bugs laying eggs in my hair right this second.

Why did Ashton act the way he did? Why did he care so much whether or not I'd fuck my boyfriend tonight? Especially after making it clear he doesn't give a shit about me.

Agh, so many questions!

"... Helloooo?"

"Huh?" my head snaps down to Adrien, who's lower than he was a moment ago.

"Did you want me to go down on you?"

My cheeks flame, I'm definitely not in the mood for that. FUCK YOU, ASHTON! WHY ARE YOU CONFUSING ME RIGHT NOW? I COULD BE HAVING A GREAT NIGHT WITH ADRIEN.

"Uhh... I'm actually not feeling so good right now," I tell him as I sit up.

He furrows his eyebrows, slowly getting off of me, "You okay?"

I nod and clench my stomach as a gagging sensation comes over me.

"You look like you're about to throw up. Please don't do it in my room," he tells me as he backs away from me.

I narrow my eyes at him, "Why? It would be an improvement to your room."

He rolls his eyes at me and leads me to the bathroom. I fall to my knees—didn't think I'd be on my knees to throw up tonight—and Adrien holds my hair back as I spill my guts into the toilet. I didn't even drink that much. I never throw up. What's wrong with me?

The gagging feeling rises up in my throat again, and I continue hurling. God, throwing up is so unattractive. Why is he still here?

"Go away!" I whine.

"No."

I groan, "Don't look at me, I'm disgusting."

"Stop, it's just barf."

I roll my eyes at how caring and nurturing he can be, "Just... Get me water, please."

He pauses for a moment, rubs my back and leaves. I flush the toilet and go to wash my face, rinsing my mouth out. I feel gross. I want to go home, shower, and sleep. Adrien comes back with a glass of water, I down it and grimace as I taste some vomit leftovers. Gross gross gross. I make a mental note to brush my teeth five times when I get home.

"Thanks."

"Of course," he nods in concern, hand patting my hair like the little bitch I am.

Pft. So much for being able to handle your liquor, Minty.

"God, that was embarrassing. Um, I think I'm gonna head home," I tell him.

"You sure? You can just crash here," he offers.

I shake my head, "I'm good, thanks. Besides, I've got curfew. Told my parents I'd be home tonight."

His face deflates in disappointment, but he nods anyway. Having learned his lesson about how his anger annoys me, thank God.

"Okay, do you want a ride?"

"Yeah."

I've learned my lesson, too.

___________________

"You okay?"

I glance up at Adrien from my sunken position in the passenger seat and nod with leaden eyes, "Hm, yeah. Just really tired."

There's a silence.

"I'm sorry... I totally ruined tonight," I tell him.

He shrugs, "It's all good. You didn't ruin anything. Besides..." he glances at me nervously, "Our first time shouldn't be us drunk at a party. I'll make sure it's special... When it does happen."

His words are sweet, and what every girl wants to hear. But they make my stomach clench for some reason.

I'd rather have a meaningless fuck with Adrien than for it to be a big thing, a meaningful thing. Is that wrong? Am I not supposed to want that? Why do I not want it? I've always thought I wanted my first time to be with someone I cared deeply for, so why the change of heart?

I study Adrien, and guilt washes over me.

Maybe I just don't want that with him.