Broken

• Chapter 103 •

I find myself at the lighthouse Ashton had taken me to, I sigh as I climb up to the top. I shut my eyes and breathe in the salty air. I'm overwhelmed with fear. Fear of what? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm mad at Ashton for assuming I have feelings for him. How dare someone assume someone else's feelings? That's absurd!

I push my anger aside, feeling that something is bothering me and clawing at my heart. I clear my head and try to decipher this one by one. Is he right? Why does my heart skip a beat every time I see him? Why do I feel butterflies in my stomach every time he gets close? Why did I give him the money I've earned and saved up over the years so easily?

Why did I ask Ashton to train me and not Adrien? Why hadn't I even considered Adrien? I shake my head, my throat throbs. This is a complicated math question, my walls are blocking the answer from me. I inhale deeply and let myself feel my emotions. I drop my shield and look past my stubbornness. I finally allow myself to think about it, accept it.

Memories of Ashton being a dick the first time we spoke, to finding out we're both pizza lovers, to me opening up about my parents, to him saving me—multiple times—flash through my brain. I remember the amusement park, running away from that cop, how he made me feel when he told me he didn't want to be friends. That he didn't care. To how it felt when he told me he would never let anyone hurt me.

As my thoughts wander back to present day, I find myself smiling. A dawning realization comes over me, and I groan. Ashton is so right. I am so undeniably into him. I don't like Adrien the way I like Ashton, nor did I feel that way about Eric. Ever. Adrien and Eric were crushes. Ashton... I like him. I really, really, like him.

My heart beats uncontrollably, I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to have feelings for anyone, I don't ever want to be blinded by my feelings for someone. Blinded to the point where I don't realize the truth. Where I don't realize who they really are. Where I let them use me, hurt me, fool me repeatedly. I don't want to be stupid, or make mistakes that will impact my entire life. I don't want to put my heart in jeopardy.

I don't want to be my mom.

___________________

"A-Adrien. What the hell are you doing here?" I'm left speechless when I enter my room and see Adrien sitting at my desk's chair. I have so many questions. First one being: What the fuck?

He looks hurt, he clenches his jaw, "It's crazy how wrong you can be about a person."

My throat tightens, as does my stomach. Can this day get any shittier?

"I've been doing some research on Aurora and Brandon Charmant," he starts. "Did you know they have a daughter, Clementine Charmant?"

Fuck. Dear universe, when I asked if this day could get any shittier, it was a rhetorical question. 

He shrugs. "I didn't. Not until tonight. After you went crazy on that rooftop and said Derek's name, I knew something was wrong. Boggled my mind for hours. Then I started putting the pieces together," he slowly walks over to me.

"Why you looked so much like Aurora Charmant. Why you act so shady all the time. Derek: your father."

I clench my jaw but swallow my anger, "Adrien, I'm sorry. I couldn't tell you."

He snorts, "Did you want to?"

I look up at him, there's a sad look in his eyes. My mouth runs dry. We both know where this is heading. It has felt over for a while. I shake my head, "No, Adrien. I didn't."

He nods and clenches his jaw, "Okay, then. I guess we're done."

My heart aches, I don't want to hurt him. "I'm sorry," I breathe.

He laughs bitterly and turns to leave, only to stop at my window. "You know, I always knew you didn't like me as much as I like you. But I was your boyfriend. You were meant to pick me, tonight."

My heart sinks when being confronted with this truth. He presses his lips together and steps out of the window.

"Adrien—"

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone," he spits.

Ugh, I don't fucking care about that. I'm just upset at how insensitive I've been. Poor Adrien. He deserves so much better.

"Adrien!" I call out the window, but he doesn't look back. He flips me off and gets into his car, driving off into the night.

I press a hand to my forehead. Fuck. What a mess I've made. Great start to the fucking year.