Broken

• Chapter 104 •

"Mom?"

It's the next night, and I've been feeling shit. Ashton hasn't called or texted, I haven't reached out either. Adrien hasn't been picking up my phone calls. I can't drown this stupid feeling in the pit of my stomach. I would usually talk to Nina or Brandon about my problems, but she's no longer with us. And I can't talk to Brandon about boy stuff.

I need my mom.

"Mmm?" she's reading a book on her bed. "Can we talk?" I mumble awkwardly.

She sets her book down and takes off her reading glasses, studying me. She nudges dad who's snoring, "Go sleep on the couch tonight."

"... Seriously?" he moans as he rubs his eyes.

"Please," I add.

Dad groans as he gets off the bed and stumbles to the door, "Kicked out of my own room. Unbelievable."

"Shut up, Brandon," mom tells him.

He frowns, "You owe me, Minty. Actually. I think I'm gonna sleep in your bed tonight, and I'll use up all your luxurious candles and body creams."

"Don't even joke about that," I snap.

He grins mischievously and darts from the room. Mom rolls her eyes and smiles to herself. I let out a sigh.

"Talk to me, baby. What's wrong?" she asks me.

I cuddle with her as she wraps the blanket around us. She holds me in her arms, my head rests at the nape of her neck. I feel like I'm five all over again. She strokes my hair and I close my eyes for a moment, holding the tears in.

"Everything's a mess," I breathe.

"What is, sweetie? Tell me one by one, we'll figure it out."

I sigh deeply and shake my head, "Well... For starters, Adrien and I broke up."

"Aw, why?"

I shrug, "Mainly because I'm a piece of shit. Also because he found out, and he was mad I was keeping so many secrets."

She sighs heavily, "Oh, Minty. You couldn't have really expected to keep it from him forever, could you?"

"I know... I just, I didn't want it to be like this. Everything is just fucked up. I hurt him, I keep hurting people."

There's a silence.

"Why do you think you're a piece of poop?"

I snort. A piece of poop. Really. "I... Well, I'm a stubborn shit. And I've been denying my feelings. For someone else... While I was with Adrien. And we kissed."

She purses her lips, "Ashton..?"

I sigh deeply and nod, the tears spill down my cheeks. "Aw, sweetheart, it's okay. How do you feel about him?"

I wipe my tears and sniffle a cry, "I don't know. He told me he liked me during Halloween, but I played it off as a drunken mistake. And then last night, shit happened between him and his girl, they broke up. And anyway he was upset but... We kissed. And I didn't stop it. I liked it. But then I freaked out and ran out on him, and now he's hurt and he probably hates my guts. And then the whole Adrien shit happened..." I rant about the shitty events of last night to her.

She remains quiet for a while. I shake my head and bite my lip to keep from crying even more like a pathetic shit, "I—I've never felt the way I do with him. Not with Adrien... Not with Eric... I like this kid. B-but what if I'm wrong? What if I'm deluded? What if none of this is real and I'm just blinded? I mean my brain says one thing and my heart is saying another—"

"Shh... It's okay... Shh..." she kisses the top of my head and squeezes my arm. "Honey, you can't trust anyone. You're right, that's smart thinking. You have no idea what you're feeling, you're young. You should just stick the year out and wait until you're older to make decisions concerning your heart."

I bite my lip, that doesn't really make me feel better. But I suppose she's right. I should just avoid emotions altogether. I don't even know what they are, or what they mean. It's best not to meddle with them at all.

___________________

I wake up to a message from Ashton, and I nearly jump out of my skin. I sit up on my bed and rub my eyes.

We start in thirty minutes. Don't be late.

My eyebrows knit together.

Start what? I text back.

Your training for today. Obviously.

Oh. Right, okay. I'll be there.

I purse my lips, he's still willing to train me after what happened? Hm, ballsy. At least he's not immature and avoiding the situation. Let's hope this shit isn't going to be as awkward as I think it will be.

___________________

"You're a fucking idiot, Ashton."

I walk into the gym and find Ashton talking to himself, mumbling sarcastically as he sets up the weights. "Yeah, tell her how you feel, you fucking moron. Then kiss her while you're at it. That went great," he pinches the bridge of his nose.

My heart sinks into my stomach. As amusing as this is, I can't help but feel different. He's not Ashton anymore. He's Ashton. The guy I have feelings for. Now that I've accepted it, I can't control this overwhelming feeling of... Ecstacy, he's making me feel around him. I freeze in place, my heart is thumping uncontrollably.

I know he was attractive before, but looking at him now... He's hotter than Harvey fucking Specter. Maybe Damon, too. I almost snort. No one's as hot as Damon Salvatore. I stay silent, admiring him while having a mini panic-attack on the inside.

He groans to himself and turns around, his face falls and his eyes widen. "Clementine... Hey."

I shake my head and snap out of it. "Hey," I clear my throat and put my gym bag down. I bite my lip and try not to make eye-contact, "You still wanna train me?"

He blows out a breath, "Obviously. I stand by my word. I said I'd help you out, I'm not gonna bail on you."

I nod slowly. My admiration for you just keeps growing, Ashton. "Thank you," I breathe.

He runs a hand through his hair, "About the other night... Forget about it, I'm sorry. I was drunk, and completely out of line. I like us as friends."

I study him and nod once, "I'm sorry I freaked out on you."

We remain silent for a while. "So, friends?" I offer my hand.

He takes it in his, and I try to ignore the sparks that fly across my body and the fire igniting in my heart, "Friends."