Under His Spell

Kabanata L.1

F L A S H B A C K

TYLER CRAIG SMITH's
point of view

August 17, 2002

"How dare you?! You really have the guts to bring your other woman here in our house?! Matatanggap ko pang ako lang ang nakakakita ng mga panloloko mo, pero utang na loob naman! Huwag naman sa harap ng mga anak natin! Ipapakita mo pa sa kanila ang mga kahayupang ginagawa mo!"

"Will you shut up, woman?! You're fucking too loud!"

"Not as loud as you and your mistress' moans last night! Hindi mo man lang naisip na naririnig iyon ng mga anak natin!"

"The hell I care! Then go get a man of yours who could make you scream, too, the way I could make my other woman scream."

I covered my ears and pushed myself more in the corner of my room.

I don't want to hear their voice anymore. I'm sick of hearing them fight. My nine year old mind could no longer handle their screams and arguments.

I'm too young for this kind of matter. Though I already get used to this, means it doesn't hurt anymore. I'm tired of feeling this pain, but I can't do anything about it, that makes the situation more painful. I have no power to change anything. I have no ability to take the pain away.

-

"... and they lived happily ever after."

I stared at my mom. Tonight is one of those nights wherein I could peacefully sleep, for my loving mother would come into my room to tell me stories until I sleep.

This kind of night is what I'm always looking for, I don't want those nights wherein pain is what urge me to sleep.

"Sleep now, my dear."

She kissed my forehead. But before she could go, I caught her attention.

"Mom?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Do happy endings really exist?"

She smiled at my question, and while stroking my hair, she answered.

"It does, if two person are willing to conquer all the obstacle. If the two of them are willing to fight, kasi anak, it takes two person to make a relationship work. Hindi pwedeng isa lang ang lumalaban."

"You're saying that, when in fact you're the only one fighting to make your relationship work with dad."

She was caught off guard. But she still managed to smile at me. That warm smile only your mother could give you.

"In my case, i-it's different. Someday, you'll understand."

"What case, mom?"

She heaved a deep sigh before sitting beside my bed.

"You see, son. In some cases, one person is willing to do anything for the other person; for the other person to also fight for her, and to love her. I love your father so much I just can't easily give him up."

"Easily? You have already suffered too much, mom. How much more should you suffer for you to say that giving up is okay?"

"One is willing to sacrifice for the love of the other, remember that son."

She stood up after covering my body a blanket. But I still didn't drop the topic.

"I agree, mom. It's okay to fight for someone you love." I stated at my mother. She sweetly smiled at me, like she completely understand. But then I continued, "But it's not okay to fight for someone to love you."