Until You | Kim Seokjin ✔️

Chapter 34

Yoona's POV

"Walk away..?" Did he actually just say that?

I was still having a hard time wrapping my head around all that I had heard. Never had I imagined that the person, now sitting on the chair across me, with his head in hands, elbows resting on his knees, would be going through so much.

Seeing him like this immediately brought to mind the day I had run into him. Not the day of my meeting at his company, but at Han River. I hadn't thought about it until now but I remember how he had vented out in frustration back then. Had this been the reason all along?

"I said it out loud, didn't I?" Jin said sheepishly while rubbing his neck.

"If you want to walk away, by all means, do it."

Jin looked up at me, his brows furrowed in confusion. "You think I should leave..?"

"What I think doesn't matter. But if you do decide to, do it for the right reasons. Not for this. For someone who claims to be so self-aware, you are quite blind."

"I am not blind. I am being realistic. There's no point trying to paint a rosy picture." He pointed out indignantly.

"I agree with you but you aren't being realistic. You are self-critical to the point of hurting yourself. I might not know enough about BTS but I think it's time someone gave you a little crash course."

"You want to give me a crash course on BTS?" He asked, one of his eyebrows popping up.

"Nope, a crash course on you," I said smiling sweetly.

"Me? What are you talking about?"

"Kim Seokjin. Maknae of his family, suddenly responsible for the well-being of 6 younger boys at the age of 20. Started out with the hopes of becoming an actor and got into one of the best universities on his own merit. Got noticed, often I might add, just for being so god darn handsome."

I couldn't help but grin when I saw him lean back in the chair and chuckle at the last line.

"Is the oldest of the group but has gotten everyone convinced that he's actually the maknae. Goes out of his way to make sure that everyone gets the respect they deserve and doesn't command any respect in return just by virtue of being the oldest."

"Switched his entire career, with no prior hopes, aspirations or even training to be a singer and dancer and still managed to be so god darn good at it!"

"What's with the 'god darn'?" He laughed. His eyes had become soft and for the first time in a long time, I saw his smile reach his eyes.

"I am assuming you haven't heard him sing if you think he's not good at it," I continued ignoring him. "I strongly recommend 'Awake', it's a life-altering masterpiece. Watch the live performance of it. Guaranteed goosebumps!" I winked at him.

"Yoona!"

"Shush. Not done yet. Now about his dancing skills. Whenever I watch any music video of BTS, I wonder how seven people could dance as one. Even if he isn't a born dancer, he has trained to become one. You might not think that he's a good dancer, but how can you not see that he performs  choreography that is at the level of professional dancers. He is the perfect example for how hardwork and passion can take you to extraordinary levels."

"Yoo-"

"The audience will be given a chance for rebuttals and opinions at the end of the presentation. Kindly refrain from interrupting." I said in my most professional sounding voice, as I walked around as if in an actual presentation.

He raised both of his hands, pretending to surrender and motioned me to continue.

"Now, about the whole issue of Jin being part of BTS only because of his visuals. He's obviously much more than just the visual but that being said, I don't think anyone else can do the job of being the visual better than him. It's not just about looking good. It's also about having the personality to draw people's interest. He sacrificed a lot to be able to look as good as he does. The industry is filled with beautiful people but not all can command attention the way he does. Find me another person who can take over social media just for stepping out of a car!"

"Sorry for interrupting you, Ms. Yoona, but why exactly are you referring to me in the third person. I am right here."

I pulled up a chair and sat opposite him, our knees almost touching. I leaned towards him, forcing him to look at me.

"Until you see yourself from the eyes of someone else you won't realise who you actually are. Detach yourself and look at yourself the way I and the rest of the world see you."

I saw his smile slowly vanish. "I am really thankful that you see me the way you do, but I also know where I stand in the group."

"You might think that you need to be the best at dancing and singing to deserve your place in BTS but that's not true. You have earned your place. You are an amazing performer and more than that you are an amazing person. Anyone who sees your interaction with the rest of the members will immediately see how much you love and care for them. You are the one they lean on and rightly so."

I moved forward to hold the hand that was nervously drumming on his left knee. "BTS would not be BTS without you and there is no one who can dispute that."

"Self-deprecating is not being self-aware. If you decide that you want to leave, then that's your decision. I am not trying to convince you to do otherwise. I just want you to know that the reasons for you wanting to do it are baseless. Find a genuine reason and I will support you every step of the way."

"I don't want to hold them back," he whispered, avoiding my eyes.

"You are not holding them back," I reassured him, my grip on his hand getting tighter. He glanced at my hand and then at me. "You deserve every second of the life you are living. Never question that or yourself ever again."

He didn't say anything but I could see that a million thoughts were running through his head. He would open his mouth as if to say something but would close it before any words could come out.

Neither of us moved for the next few minutes. He sat there lost in his thoughts, absently looking at my thumb running reassuring circles on the back of his hand.

I couldn't even begin to imagine the amount of pressure he was under. The constant public scrutiny, the need to be perfect every second of every day, the need to prove yourself to a world which was ready to tear you down at the sniff of even the smallest weakness.

Having to go through all that and still manage to put on a brave face and not give away the slightest hint of the pain behind every smile he flashed to his fans, is something so admirable yet heart-breaking at the same time.

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A/N: This chapter is pretty much the reason I decided to write this book.

Jin needs to be appreciated. The dearth of Jin fanfics is proof enough.

Not many people see beyond Jin being 'Worldwide Handsome' and his cooking skills.

He is a beautiful human being who came into BTS with probably the most disadvantages having no prior experience or training and yet is capable of becoming one with the rest of them and also standing out when given the spotlight.

I am so glad that he's finally getting the focus, vocally, that he deserves. Crystal Snow, being an amazing example of it. The entire song is amazing but Jin's Three. Step. High. Note. Phew!

Even the people who seem the most confident have their own insecurities so never take their confidence for granted because we never know what's beneath the surface.

Basically just send him lots of love! ^_^

This note could very well be longer than the actual chapter so I'll stop now.  :-P

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