Until You | Kim Seokjin ✔️

Chapter 45

Yoona's POV

"Our first kiss was quite spontaneous too. Maybe we just respond to each other like that, on a physical level. Not that I'm complaining."

Only after the words left my mouth did I realize what I had actually said. I could feel my cheeks burn. Apparently embarrassing myself had become as normal as breathing.

"Right, so..." I continued, wanting to finish whatever I had wanted to say before causing any more damage. "Anyway, I would completely understand if you don't feel anything for me beyond just our friendship. But, it feels like you do feel something for me. I could be way off the mark, though. I don't want to complicate-"

I was so lost in my own moment that I continued the rest of my little speech only to realize that he had placed his hand over my mouth, muffling my words. I was going to pull his hand away but froze mid-action on hearing his words.

"I love you."

He gently took off his hand, looking at me nervously.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything.  

"Yoona, say something at least. Anything." Jin pleaded. 

My silence was probably killing him but my mind was still clambering to find the words.

"Yoona, I know that there's something between us and you know it too. So we aren't at the stage where we wonder if this is going to happen. I just want to let you know where I stand moving forward with this. With us."

Seeing that I wasn't going to say anything, Jin continued, "I am not sure how you feel because you went from implying that you liked me even though it was too soon to feel that way to saying that what we have might just be a physical attraction to each other and if I hadn't interrupted you, I am pretty sure you would have made us go back to 'just friends'. So I need you to tell me how you feel..."

I could barely hear his words over my pounding heart. I wanted to say so much, tell him how I felt but the words vanished even before they could be spoken. Why was I feeling this way? Shouldn't I be jumping in joy?

I felt his hand wrap around my trembling fingers. "Yoona...?"

"I can't.." The words left me before I could stop them. My voice so low that I could barely hear it yet it somehow echoed in the suddenly still room.  His fingers slowly withdrew. 

"Jin.." My hand moved to bring back the warmth of his hand. He let me hold his hand, but the warmth was missing. He didn't curl his fingers around my hand like they always did. His hand just lay limp in mine. 

"I don't understand... Is it because I said that I loved you? I could take it back... No! What am I saying? I am not going to take it back..." My heart ached to watch him struggle to figure things out. 

"It's not you-" 

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." He said, his voice low as anger seeped into his words. 

"Jin."

He held up a hand, silencing me while his other hand held the bridge of his nose, trying to control his emotions. I watched him take in a few breaths trying to calm himself while I grew more nervous. I hadn't seen him ever lose control over himself. 

"Yoona, I am going to go because I don't think I can continue this conversation, not right now at least. I'll talk to you soon, alright?" 

Before I could even react, I felt his lips against my forehead and saw him walk out of my room, everything happening in a blur. 

I wanted to go after him but what good would that do? What would I say?

"Yoona?" I looked up to see Jihee standing at the door. "What's going on?"

How do I explain what happened when I wasn't sure myself?  

"Yoona! I just ran into Jin outside, he looked really angry. He said that I should come talk to you and that you might need me. What's going on?" 

"I think that's the last time I am going to see Jin..."

"What are you saying? You need to tell me what happened." Jihee said sitting down in Jin's place. 

"He said he loves me..." 

"That's a good thing unless... Yoona what did you say?"

"I couldn't tell it back to him."

"Well, you don't have to tell him that unless you feel that way or are ready to tell him. But I was so sure that you loved him.."

"I do love him but I just couldn't say it to him and I think I screwed up everything!"

"If you love him why didn't you just say so?"

"After he said that he loves me, I realized how serious all this was. I mean, this isn't some crush anymore. This is us talking about the rest of our lives! I didn't think he was this serious about us!"

"It was never just a crush, to begin with Yoona!"

"I don't know, Jihee! It's just that what if we don't actually love each other and we are just being caught up in the moment. I mean think about it, it's been barely a couple of months since we got back in touch and now we are apparently in love? It doesn't make sense! He has enough problems to deal with and I don't want to add all these confused emotions into the mix and make it worse.

"Yoona! Oh my god! You need to stop freaking out! Didn't you want to see where things would go with Jin?"

"I did. But I don't think he has the luxury to take a chance with me. If things don't go the way we hope, I could ruin his career and his entire life!" How can I remain calm knowing that I could do more damage than good in this situation?

"Yoona!" Jihee held my shoulders and gently shook me to get me stop my rambling. "You need to stop and be rational! I get that you are nervous but you are now just hyperventilating and being stupid."

"Jihee..."

"No! Listen to me. You are being a complete hypocrite right now. You hated the fact that Jin took decisions on your behalf, you are doing the exact same thing. That boy loves you. He wants you in his life. You can't just dismiss that and say he's confused."

"I have never seen you mess things up this bad and there have been quite a few messy situations before." Jihee teased trying to make me smile. 

"Hey! C'mon!" I protested even though she wasn't wrong.

"Yoona, you love him. He loves you. He was clearly heartbroken but even then the first thing on top of his head was still you. He didn't have to care about your feelings in the state that he was but he still did. If that doesn't prove how much he loves you, then I don't know what else would."

"Being nervous is understandable but making him believe that you don't feel the same way when you do, is not right for either of you. Imagine what he's going through."

Jihee was right. I need to stop overthinking this. But...

"Yoona, go talk to him. It'll be fine." Jihee reassured me.

"But what if he doesn't want to talk to me? I wouldn't blame him. We aren't even together and I have made a mess of things already!"

"Yoona!"

"Alright! I'll go!" I sighed not wanting to get hit by the pillow Jihee threatened to hit me with.  

----

A/N: The end is near. Cue ominous BGM.

I should hopefully be able to get all the remaining chapters done in the next few days before I go on a break.

Oh and I forgot to mention it in the last chapter. I have published a Liskook One-shot/Short story called 'It's You'. You can find it in my profile.

---