Until You | Kim Seokjin ✔️

Chapter 46

Jin's POV

"I went off the grid for a couple of days, literally, three days and the bunch of you manage to wreck complete havoc!" Bang PD yelled while the seven of us hung our heads, not daring to look up.

I came back home to find all the boys and Bang PD gathered in the living room. Apparently, they had been waiting for me to come back.

Bang Sihyuk may look like a soft, harmless person but when it came to us, he wouldn't think twice before reprimanding us like a father would.

It was almost like everything that could possibly go wrong had coordinated and picked today to let loose. 

"I'm sorry. I should have handled things in a better way," Namjoon said, his voice full of regret.

"He has nothing to apologize for. None of them do! It was my fault and I take sole responsibility." I tried to sound calm but my frustration with what happened with Yoona was seeping in.

"All of you are at fault. You are a team, start acting like one! When did things go so bad that you stopped realizing what's happening in each other's lives?" Bang PD asked.

"They didn't know about it because I didn't tell them. They don't have to be in this discussion." I sighed, not wanting to drag the boys into something that wasn't their fault.

"Okay. Since you are so eager to take the fall. Why are all the headlines about you leaving?"

"I-I.." Talking to Bang PD suddenly felt much more difficult than I had imagined. 

"Hyung thinks it's time for him to leave us," Yoongi said, trying to cover for my lack of an answer.

"Jin, do you need me to keep prodding you or are you going to tell what is happening?"

"I am not doing this out of spite or anything like that. It's because I respect you so much and love them that I think it's time. It's pretty obvious that my value addition to the group isn't great and honestly, I am just holding everyone back." I said in a hurry. 

"Right. Anything else?" Bang PD asked, his face showing no emotions.

The lack of reaction caught me off guard. "No... That's it. I will stay till we complete this album's promotions and any other commitments we have already made but I would like to terminate my contract after that."

"Jin hyung! You said that you weren't leaving!" Jungkook's head shot up and looked at me. The look in his eyes was the one I had been running from all this time. 

"I never said that. I just said that I would stay. I never mentioned for how long." I had been vague on purpose because I knew that the members would never agree with my decision.

"That's not fair! You are really going to argue about semantics in this situation?" Namjoon asked, equally shocked. Yoongi was the only who probably figured it out that I was sticking to my decision.

"And you call yourselves a family!" Bang PD scoffed. We had almost forgotten he was still there. 

"We are all going to have an adult conversation about this right now and finish this matter once and for all." Bang PD said exasperatedly. 

All seven of us just nodded our heads and sat on the couch as Bang PD sat in a chair opposite us. The scene was all too familiar.

"Did anyone from the group or anyone from the company make you feel like you weren't contributing enough? You have to be honest with me, Jin."

"No! No one said anything..." I replied without looking at him. 

"But they implied it?" Bang PD asked.

"It was just little things but maybe I was just being overly sensitive. It really doesn't matter. I am not angry with anyone. I know everyone was just looking out for our success."

"Jin hyung, if you can't speak freely to us, who else can you talk to. You never judge us for what we say or how we feel. You listen to us and understand what we are going through. Don't you think we would do the same for you? What's the point of being as close as we are and not have the freedom and space to express ourselves without being judged?" Hoseok asked.

Suddenly I understood why I had been scared of telling the others about what I was going through. I convinced myself that I wasn't involving them because I wanted to avoid the emotional mess but in reality, I was afraid of what they would think of me.

"Hoseok is right. If you don't talk to them or me, how would we know what's happening?" Bang PD asked, his eyes softening for the first time since he sat down. 

"I understand that but how could I come up to you and tell you how I felt without sounding like a whiny kid who was just complaining about little things?"

"So what if you did? If you aren't happy with something you are supposed to let me know! If you are right or not in being upset about it or if it's a big or small issue, can be decided only after you tell me. However, there's no point discussing what you could have done. At least tell us now." 

"Instances would happen where it became quite clear that people didn't believe in me. Line distributions would easily show how the producers thought I wasn't a good enough singer. Music video edits would show how in spite of being the 'visual' of the group, I clearly didn't have the look that was required. Skits where I could show the actor side of me, I was given the least lines. If the company itself doesn't have any confidence in me and my abilities, then what is the point?" I asked frustrated as everything I had been feeling all these years came out. 

"I understand that you are running a business and you would obviously know what the best approach is. I don't want you to feel burdened by my presence. If me leaving would get the group where it should be then I would step away without a second thought!" 

After I was done, the whole room went quiet. After a couple of minutes, just as I was going to say something to break the silence, Bang PD spoke up.

"I am sorry that I made you feel this way." Bang PD said, sincerely apologizing.

"Please don't apologize! I was not looking for an apology!" I said, shocked to hear his apology. 

"We have made mistakes and although late, acknowledging it is the least I can do. Somewhere in my pursuit of making this group work, I have neglected you and it shouldn't have happened and there's no excuse for it.  The only thing I can assure you of is that none of this will happen again. That being said, if you still want to leave, you are free to do so. I am not going to hold you back and will always support you wherever you choose to go from here." 

Is this it?

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