Curly Hair » Phan

Seventeen

Dan woke the next day, headache in place. Phil lay next to him, both crashed on the couch the night before.

And Dan's first thought made him freeze. What would Phil do? Was he okay that Dan kissed him? Was Dan okay he kissed him? Or that Phil kissed back?

He shook Phil awake.

"No," Phil whined, shaking his head.

"We kissed. Was that okay? I did it because of Tyler! 'M sorry I made you uncomfortable."

"Slow down," Phil's groggy voice caused Dan to shut up. "What?"

"At the party yesterday. We kissed. 'M sorry I kissed you, I just did it for Tyler. Sorry-"

"Hey, Dan. It was a party. It was fun. I kissed back, didn't I? Now come on, get up and make me a bowl of cereal." Dan rolled his eyes and stood up.

Off he went to make Phil his dumb cereal.

___

Dan felt like shit again. He was puking, and was just all around depressed. He'd stare out his window, thinking back to being a teen. How much hate he got. All the hate comments. His dad.

He needed to stop thinking, he knew that. But he just couldn't. His thoughts were everywhere. And making it worse, he was sick. Fucking withdrawal.

He started to cry. He felt so alone. He felt so worthless. It was so stupid. He wanted to take more meds, but he knew better then to take more then he should.

But what if he took them all? And some other pills as well?

He cried harder, stuffing his face into his duvet, hoping to shut himself up. Last thing he needed was Phil worrying about him at three in the morning.

He tried to stop crying. Phil wouldn't care, and would just be upset Dan woke him.

No, he knew that wasn't true. Phil loves him. He's Phil's best friend, and he knows Phil would be more than happy if Dan went into his room, and explained he wanted to be held.

Dan rushed to his bathroom, and puked again. He shook more than he had before. He cried. It was hard. He wiped his mouth, and used water.

He staggered into the hallway, using his hands to guide him. He was shaking and crying, and wanted Phil. He wanted his best friend.

But in the middle of the hallway, he collapsed. He put his head against his arms, and shook so much. He cried. He shook.

"P-Phil!" He tried to yell. He choked on his words. He couldn't stop the fast breathing. His mind was fifty different ways. He was crying, and he didn't realize he was yelling.

"Dan! I'm here!" He finally heard Phil. When he looked up, seeing Phil's faint outline. He grabbed onto Phil's nightshirt with his fists, bringing him closer.

"It hurts. Phil, fuck. M-my c-c-chest. P-panic-" Dan was stuttering far too much.

"Dan, just stop talking. Try to take slow, deep breaths. Okay? Come on, deep breaths." Dan leaned his head against Phil's chest. He listened to his heartbeat, trying to even his breathing out to match Phil's. But it wasn't easy.

"H-hard to breathe," he told Phil. Phil nodded.

"Dan, just keep breathing. Deep breaths." Phil moved so he had his back against the wall, and was holding Dan close to his chest. Dan's arms went around his neck. His head rested against his shoulder, trying his hardest to breathe correctly again.

After seven minutes, he was calming down. He opened his closed eyes.

"I'm sorry I woke you up. I was only going to ask if I could sleep with you, a-and then I couldn't breathe and-"

"Dan, it's alright. Okay? You want to stay here for a moment, or go back to sleep? I'll stay with you either way."

"Stay here for a minute," he whispered. He wanted to be able to completely calm himself down. "Okay, we can go."

Phil helped him up, running his hand gently against Dan's back.

"It's okay, Dan. You're okay now. We'll lay down, and I'll be right here." Dan nodded, and laid on his bed. Phil crawled next to him, gently pulling Dan close.

"Thank you, Phil," Dan whispered. Phil smiled. Or, Dan thought he did. He couldn't tell.

But Phil was crying. It was only a few tears. But seeing Dan so upset..

"Dan, I'm always here. You're my best friend."

Dan smiled, leaning into Phil. His crying had stopped. And in a bit, he was asleep.

Phil gently ran a hand in Dan's hair.

"Goodnight, bear. I need you to feel good."