Behind The Hoodie

Chapter 15: Stay Strong Beth

I listen to music and go to the punching bag. I punch it barehanded out of pure anger. I worried about him and he comes home with a new girl. My mom just died, this week, month! Your wife! I continue to punch it till finally, my legs turn to jelly and I fall into it grabbing the top ropes to hold myself up. Tears rush to my eyes and I choke them back.

He is the only family left that I have, I am going through high school and my mom just died the same way I lost my real parents. And he brings home girls that don't like me and dumps them. I was worried about him on whether he wrecked or got stuck or-

Now he's here. Not noticing me till he's so drunk he throws a beer bottle at my head. I continue to hold back tears till I turn and fall backward into the punching bag. I sit up against it and breath shakily into my hands that knuckles are skinned a bit and bleeding.  

I just can't believe him, that he is doing this when she passed away almost four days ago. Her funeral is supposed to be next week.

I drop my hands into the carpet and pull out small strands of string as I begin to pull my legs into me and rest my head on my knees. It's almost like the guys have kept me from breaking down like this and no matter what I do I can't bring her back, I can't do anything.

 I try to keep tears from falling but pathetic sounds come out between each half breath. What would she think if she was here and saw me and dad?

She would say get off your butt, wipe those tears because it already happened and crying will do nothing. And to go on with your life!

Yeah, that sounds about right, but it's easier said than done. I take a few shaky breaths before calming down. I fall to the side and look at my knuckles before closing my eye's just wanting reality to go away. It takes me awhile but I finally get to sleep and block out everything.

oOoOo Next Morning oOoOo

I soon wake up with my music still playing and my phone on the side of my pant's at the hip. Sorry, Demi, your songs won't help. I know it seems like I'm just moping around. And that is exactly what I am trying to do but don't want to do, if that makes any sense. I decide I have to get up at some point so at least one of us will somehow honor mom.

 I go to my room not looking up or anywhere other than down the whole time, not wanting to see my dad or whatever he was doing. I change into sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt with a baggie hoodie over it. I put a hundred dollar bill in my phone case and put it in my pocket. I then grab a pair of converse and slide them on. I then write a sticky note of where I am going and head out with my head down. As I open the door I put the sticky note on the door before I leave. 

It's still cold and ice covers some parts with piles of snow off to the side. I see my breath ahead of me as I walk through the lawn so I don't slip. Cars speed past me once I get further in town. I walk around the sidewalk as the cars stop at the stop lights and walk past all the ones that went past the speed limit to the store. 

I get in and grab a shopping cart, getting weird looks from different people as I pick out groceries and not clothes. I pick out a bunch of different things and grab a candy bar as I go to the check out stand. She rings me up.

"That will be eight five dollars and forty-five cents."

I pull out my phone and take the hundred out handing it to her.

"How old are you?"

"Fifteen," I say not wanting to be rude. But then again, it's none of her business.

"Bit young don't you think?"

I shrug my shoulders and take back the change she hands me putting it in my pocket. I pick up the bags in my hands as they weight down cutting into the folds of my fingers. Can't wait till I can start driving.