Behind The Hoodie

Chapter 53: Girl Talk

I toss and turn. This wasn't my fault, right? 

I mean, I didn't lead him on. I told him no.

I didn't give consent.

Maybe I didn't fight hard enough.

Maybe I could have done something different?

I could have stayed with the guys.

I could have stayed with the others for a little while longer.

I could have tried to fight harder.

I could have caused this.

At the moment it seems like I have been thinking about this for just a few minutes but when I look over at the clock it's two forty-three in the morning. I roll over, sighing. I can't confide in anyone but Alan either. He's the only one who knows and he's always around the guys. 

I can't tell Willow. She has too much to deal with right now to even be able to comprehend this. I refuse to burden her anymore. Especially when she has lost over twenty pounds from not being able to keep her food down.

I try to clear my mind but it takes another hour before I finally fall asleep.

oOoOoO The Next Morning oOoOoO 

I wake up to my alarm screeching. I calm down the screaming banshee and quickly get dressed, not really even wanting to go to school. I dress in thick jeans and a long sleeve blue t-shirt with my school hoodie over it. I slide on my white worn down converse and put on a blue baseball cap. 

I sigh, not feeling like myself. What happened to me? I don't understand why what happened is having this effect on me. I quickly grab my things and we all do our morning routine.

I ride my bike to school pulling up beside the guys. They all look to me as I turn off my bike and put my stuff away as I walk over to them.

"Tori told ya what happened?" Alan asks.

"Yeah," I say biting my lip and putting on my baseball cap.

"She here today?" Mason asks.

"No, she's staying home today. Doesn't wanna have to see them today."

"Say anything about how she's feeling?" Gray asks.

"Upset, angry, stressed, what you would expect from someone who went through that."

I watch Alan study me as I talk. He knows I'm talking about myself and I see the worry in his eyes.

"She wanted me to thank you guys for what you did though," I say as I watch them look around the parking lot.

We all head inside and at lunch when I go upstairs, Alan catches up with me. I look over at him as he motions for me to follow him. We go to an isolated area of the school and he puts a hand on my shoulder.

"How are you doing?"

I put my head down before looking back to him.

"Best I can, I haven't seen any of them today, not even the girls."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"No, it scares me for what they might take out on me after school. I got to them yesterday so what happened last night might add to the fire."

"We'll show up."

"I know you guys will," I say smiling at him.

"You wanna hang out just me and you after school? Not like a date or anything, just work on homework or something. Hang out like we used to."