why do you only call me when you're high? //kth

3• well?

My eyes were drawn to the moon like a moth towards light. The warmth of the alcohol still spreading further in my body. My head was throbbing with swirling thoughts yet I couldn't think straight. My mind felt clouded, like patches of thick, fluffy white cottonballs had been stuffed inside it.

Deep in thought, my hands kept stroking over my bare legs, a habit I had taken up to help me calm down. I drummed my fingers against my thighs, mindlessly humming to the pop song playing on the radio. I hated that song.

I felt the alcohol in my blood and prickling on my tongue, hot and intoxicating. I knew I wasn't myself anymore, a faint voice in the back of my head was telling me so. Whispering to me that this was a bad idea. Going with Taehyung was a bad idea. I didn't know him. This wasn't me. I was just desperate to get my mind off of James and the hot mess my relationship with him had turned into.

And yet, I was sure if Taehyung had brought that damn vodka bottle with him to the car I would've emptied it without a second of hesitation. I needed a distraction from my thoughts so bad. A distraction from my fucked up relationship crumbling in my fingers. Fucking James. Fucking love. Fuck him. Fuck everyone and everything in this god awful town.

I could still hear the voice of reason within me, telling me not to spend the night with a stranger.

But then again the voice was small, the full moon much more intriguing and the taste of alcohol still so vibrant. Taehyung's hand had left my thigh and my body was already aching to feel his touch again.

I didn't know what it was about him but I just felt so drawn to him, most likely because he was insanely attractive and my hormones were going wild. I could tell my body was feeling conflicted, I was drawn to him but every time his sharp eyes met mine I thought back to James' green ones.

It had really happened. I witnessed him cheat on me. I knew he had done it before. But this time I couldn't pretend I didn't know. Couldn't convince myself it meant nothing if he wasn't even able to admit to it. He knew I had seen him yet he still lied to my face. What should that tell me?

Everyone had been trying to convince me he couldn't stay loyal but I was refusing to accept it because I had never seen it with my own eyes, now though, I had. In that moment I knew I had to end it. I kissed someone else and it felt good. But I felt nothing when James kissed me at the party. I knew I didn't love him anymore, it was just hard to admit. It was hard to give up on something that had once made me so happy. Why didn't he end things sooner? Why didn't he break up with me if I had never been enough all along?