Secrets (Stray Kids Felix FF)

Chapter 31

Felix's POV

I woke up with a faint pain on my neck. I looked around and saw that I was in my room, lying on my bed.

I tried recalling the events that happened before I came here

"I Love You. More then just a friend."

"I Love You. More than just a friend."

"More than just a friend."

Jiyeon's words kept repeating in my mind like a broken recorder and I can't help the fact that my heart beats faster than normal. It made me feel happy, alive, and hopeful. Hopeful that this will all end and we can be together.

But why do I feel like this?  I have a girlfriend and we say I love you to each other almost everyday but the feeling was far from the feeling when Jiyeon says "I love you" to me and farther when she said she loved me more than just a friend. It was different. Everything was. How I feel extra love for, who I think about, who I miss, who I want so badly to be with. All of those seemed to be occupied by one person alone. And that person is the person I labeled as my best friend. The person whom I promised to that I will never leave for the rest of our life.

'I guess I can't leave her at all.'

I can't deny it anymore. I love her more than just a friend. I don't know when but, I just know. I love her. So much. And I'm gonna tell her that when everything is cleared out.

It all made sense now. Why my heart feels uneasy when she's near someone else but me, when I feel sad when she's sad, and why my heart beats faster. I Love her. I'm so stupid for not figuring it out earlier.

I was not only stupid but also blind. Blinded by beauty of appearance but I wasn't able to see the beauty of love. Real love. All our memories together. The laughter we shared. The moments we spent together. That is what real love looks like.

I left my bed, feeling tired even though it seemed like I slept for hours already. I can't imagine the pain she has been through, seeing me with another girl every night and confessing the "Love" I felt for Hyemin.

'This is all my fault.'

I can't help but think that. My mind was always a mess. I can't my own decisions and always depended on Jiyeon. I can see my future if ever she wasn't here. Nothing. I wouldn't have a future. She made me reach this far and I was laying around like a prince waiting for a solution for the problem I have caused. I'm selfish.

I staggered my way to the living room, settling on the couch comfortably but it didn't help. I went to the kitchen next and sat on the chair but still nothing so I went to my last resort. Jiyeon's room.

I pushed the door open, locking it after. Due to fatigue, because of I don't know what reason, I fell on her bed and instantly fell asleep or fainted.

She always gave me comfort. Everything about her. Her scent, her voice, her touches, and her presence. Before I knew it, I slept like a baby for the rest of the day.

The next day, I woke up feeling a bit better. Hint, a bit. It was Monday today meaning I had to go to school and deal with everything. There is a huge possibility that I might not meet Jiyeon and the others today making me more anxious in going home.

I tried relaxing myself first then preparing to go to school but not before fixing the bed god as new.

I took small slow steps to school, not really enthusiastic of going. If my ideas of school before wasn't as worst as I intend it to be well, it sure is now! I hate- no let me rephrase that. I despise school.

Do you know the feeling when you just wanna stay home to solve your problems but you have this place you are obligated to go to that is called school filled with inconsiderate people called classmates and home works that just makes you wanna scream because it's not helping you solve your problem and just makes it worst? That is what I'm feeling right now.

But what can I do? It doesn't mean that you are out of school you are really out of it. You're always at school. Everyday. Every night. You are in a school called life where it is always like hell and has a lot of problems that makes you learn. Your assignments are the problems that you take home with you and solve it. Your school is life that sometimes you just wanna leave it but it's committing a huge sin. You also have those times of trials and errors. Failures and winning points.

That's what I've learned through this experience because like school. I failed.

[A/N: I just want to thank the people who are continuously voting this story and who enjoys it. I love the comments you give me. Thank you so much. I'm sorry that I can't update fast. I'm facing some problems and I just feel like quitting my life. I hate my life. I can't have peace. I want to cry but I can't because they will get angry and say that I'm weak. I know nobody will read this author's note so I'm pouring all my emotions in it. What I wrote in this chapter is what I have learned in life and what I feel. I might hate to admit it but it's true. I'm crying while I'm writing this chapter because I'm so tired. So tired of life. I felt like being sucked into a black hole that I can't get out of. Can't it end?]