Queer as Muke

1.1.4 Queer, There and Everywhere

"Ooooh don't mind me." Corey calls out as he goes past Calum and stalker guy with a drink and a plate of something, stopping them kissing as they watch him pass. "Just can't sleep without my milk and TimTams." He explains unnecessarily, doing a twirl in the middle of the room before disappearing behind his own bedroom door.

"It's my friend Corey, he's staying with me temporarily since the hooker who lived down the hall from him burnt his apartment building down two years ago." Calum's unsure as to why he feels the need to fill the guy in on his domestic arrangements but he does anyway. Maybe he's more nervous than he thought he would be.

"Two years is a long time to be temporary." Stalker guy comments as he starts kissing the corner of Calum's mouth again.

"And yet it hasn't interfered with my love life. Which, I suppose, says a lot about my love life." Calum can feel his eyes rolling in his head as the guy kisses his neck but then he pulls off to look at him.

"Do you mind if we skip the back story and cut to the chase? It's almost 2 in the morning. By the way, you have a great ass."

"Oh yeah?" Calum breaks off from kissing the guys neck, wanting to hear more. He slides his hand down inside the guys jeans, wanting to compliment him on his ass too, after all that's what had got him noticing him in the first place. "So do you, it's really..."

Breaking off mid sentence Calum's completely unsure as to what to do. There in his hand, still down the guys pants, is the definite feel of a plastic butt. "Firm..." he says, pulling his hand out and with it a plastic moulded guys arse. What the hell?

"I got it on-line. It's called The Butt." The guy explains, not at all embarrassed.

Just as he's wondering how to extracate himself from this situation Calum's saved by his phone ringing. Putting a finger up to stop the guy from saying one more word whilst he answers the phone and tries to understand what the hell is going on here, Cal moves over to where he left his phone, still with the plastic butt in his hand.

"Parts Department." He can't help it, how else would you answer the phone to Michael with that thing in your hand?

"Maddie called. It's happened."

"What? Oh my god when?" Stunned by the news Calum glances over at stalker guy who's waiting for him.

"I don't know, I had my damn mobile off. I'm picking you up in two minutes."

"Now? I've kind of got my hands full." Calum watches in astonishment as stalker guy reaches into the front of his jeans and pulls out a plastic moulded cock and balls.

"The Bulge. You order both, you get a discount." Stalker guy waves it at Calum as he's explaining, as if he's expecting him to make an order there and then and then chucks it on the sofa next to him.

"Who's that?" asks Michael hearing someone in the background and becoming instantly suspicious.

"What? No-one."

"Caluuuum" Michael sing-songs down the phone. "You've got someone there with you. I can't believe it."

"You should only be here." Calum can only guess what sarcasm Michael would use if he were here watching various plastic parts being pulled from a potential lovers crotch. Then again, Calum chides himself, this really wouldn't happen to Michael

"Forget about it. Fuck the shit out of him."

"No, wait, pick me up, I'm ready. Now!" Calum puts the phone down all ready to be apologetic, but the truth is he really doesn't want to see what the guy was going to pull out next.

"We going to do this or not?"

"I am really sorry." Calum hopes he sounds genuine. "A friend of mine needs me. It's an emergency."

"Shit. After all that?" Gesticulating to the various discarded plastic body parts behind him the guy looks really disheartened.

"I know. I promise we'll reschedule. No iff's, and's or..." Calum, realising that he still has the guy's plastic butt in his hands, stops talking and hands him the item with what he hopes is genuine contrition on his face.

~~~

"What's going on?"

"Everything." Michael hands Luke his clothes before searching for something to wear himself. "Come on, get up, you've got to go."

"Where?"

"Home." Scattering a load of coat hangers around the place, Michael starts getting dressed.

"I can't go home." Luke talks as he shoves his feet into his jeans. "My parents, they think I'm staying at a friends."

"You live with your parents?" There's disbelief in Michael's voice which Luke enjoys, confirmation that he knew he could pass for older than his years.

"I'm still in school. Well...uni." Luke, realising his mistake, tries to cover it up.

"What year are you in?"

"Third. Well, second. Between my second and third years."

"How old are you?" Michael firing questions at him leaves Luke barely any time to process them.

"Twenty one."

"What year were you born?"

"1979." Luke curses silently, his voice had gone up when he'd said 'nine', more in a question than an answer but had Michael noticed?

"Bullshit, you had to think about that before you answered. How old are you really?"

"Twenty."

Michael walks as he buttons up his shirt, looking in at the bedroom where Luke's sitting. His bedroom is framed off from the main area of the loft with multiple wooden shutters and at each set of shutters he stops to look at Luke, getting a different answer at each one. His green eyes seem to pierce Luke's soul every time he gives a wrong answer.

"Nineteen... Eighteen..."

"What is this? A missile launch?"

Luke gives in, he was bound to find out at some point. "Seventeen. I'm seventeen."

Michael rolls his eyes as he comes up the second set of steps back into the bedroom. "What is with kids today?