Queer as Muke

1.21.3 Running To Stand Still

"Don't go."

Luke's been watching Michael pack in silence for the last twenty minutes. Watching, with jaw clenched, as his lover decides which suits would be best for interviews, which clothes he should take for drinks, what would be best for the gym in case he gets asked to a squash game or some other random request. Michael wants to have every eventuality covered, and all packed into a small overnight carry on case and a suit bag ideally.

He'll have his laptop in his briefcase on the plane with him, but he wants to be able to grab his luggage and run, beating the crowds to the taxi's waiting outside the airport. Luke's been handing him odd items, wanting to appear as if he's helping but in reality he knows he's been watching Michael move on with his life.

Without him.

Luke stands, rubbing the back of his head stress-fully, making the blonde hair stand up in peaks, until he can take it no longer and has to say something.

"You can't go. What are you going to do without me?" he asks, looking at a pair of Michael shoes in his hands, unable to bring himself to look the man in the eye.

It doesn't stop Michael from looking at him though. He stops momentarily, then resumes what he's doing with a shrug, "I don't know, I guess I'll survive."

"Got it," Luke whispers to himself. "And what about me?" he asks in a slightly stronger voice, but still unable to stop a quiver sounding.

"I'm sure you'll get along just fine on your own." Michael pops his toothbrush and paste in his sponge bag and zips it up decisively.

"No I won't."

"Yeah, you will..."

Luke turns to look sorrowfully at Michael as he carries on speaking, trying to ignore the man's beautiful green eyes that don't seem to want him here anymore. "...You're going to do what you should have done a long time ago, you're going to meet some twinkie your own age!"

"What do you think I want with someone my own age?!" Luke demands, annoyed that this is always Michael's fall back position in arguments. "Some kid who doesn't know shit?!"

Michael looks at him, Luke's always been older than his age, except when he acts younger. Like now. What does he expect? That Michael will turn down a massive opportunity just because the boy he fucks is still in school and can't leave town?

"I need to take a shower..."

"Go! Go take your shower!" Luke calls after him, shoving the smaller items into Michael's case. See, he's still helping him pack damnit! "Go to Melbourne, go to your new life!" Luke throws items at the case, frustrated that Michael doesn't seem to be thinking of him, or acting like he's even going to miss him when he leaves.

"In a year...probably not even that long you won't even remember my name! 'Oh what happened to that kid who wouldn't leave me alone? Who thought he was in love with me?' If you fucking think of me at all!"

Michael looks at him disdainfully from the bathroom, he can't believe Luke's throwing what amounts to a tantrum. Although what he's saying isn't being ignored as he thinks. He's wrong, Michael will remember him. He just can't let something or somebody stop him from taking this job offer. He hardens himself against Luke's words, pulling the familiar protective shell around him like always. It's worked in the past, when people always presume that he's unfeeling or heartless.

He knows that he's going to have to make a clean break of it. Pull the Band-aid off quickly. He wanders out of the bathroom again, abandoning the thought of a shower whilst Luke's acting this way. Looking at him clearly, Michael speaks concisely, "I won't. I won't think of you at all."

Luke looks at him shocked, his blue eyes widening as the impact of Michael's words hit. He hates how his own eyes fill up so quickly with tears so he starts shrugging his hoodie on to leave, needing something to distract him from completely breaking down.

"When I walk out of that door, I don't plan on ever looking back," Michael tells him, coming up to stand in front of Luke. "And I expect you to do the same."

He see Luke's eyes brimming, shining at him with tears that are teetering on the edge and threatening to spill over any second and he hates it. Hates that he's having to hurt him like this. He should never have got involved with him for all this time. If he'd kept to his normal set of rules in the first place then he wouldn't be in this emotional mess right now. And he is in an emotional mess, whether he knows it or not. He just can't or won't show it.

Unable to stop himself reaching out, Michael raises a hand, caressing Luke's cheek as the boy looks at him with hurt all over his face. Michael doesn't say a word, but he does run his hand down over the back of Luke's shoulder, pulling him towards him gently. Slowly, silently, Michael hugs Luke to him, feeling the boy's back heave with tears. Luke's ragged breath warms Michael's neck as he holds him tight, eventually feeling Luke's hands coming around to hug him back.

Michael runs one hand soothingly over the back of Luke's head and neck, nestling his own head against Luke's, his eyes faraway as he lets Luke sob against him.

Luke clings onto Michael, his hands grasping at the back of Michael's t-shirt, knowing that the man he's completely in love with is leaving. Neither of them say anything to the other, but both manage to say everything, if only the other person would care to listen...