"We need a secret codeword, like Shazam!" Calum tells Michael as he drives him through the darkened streets that night, "So that if I get in a tight spot you can come and rescue me."
"Tight spot," scoffs Michael, "How about butt plug?"
"Butt plug might be a little hard to work into a conversation." Putting down the magazine he's rifling through, Calum turns to look at Michael.
"Because that's what you are, pretending to be one of them."
"I couldn't help it!"
"You could have told her the truth instead of acting like some scared little faggot," Michael points out. "You should have just said, 'I take it up the ass sweetheart, deal with it.'"
"Right, right...by the way I notice you got the Jeep repainted..."
Michael sniffs at Calum's comment, he may have got the Jeep repainted but at least he doesn't hide who he is.
"God, this place is like breeders central," Calum opens the car door, peering around, before kind of getting out but then has a moment of panic. "Buttplug, buttplug, buttplug," he says desperately.
"See ya Cal."
Pushing Calum out of the car, Michael drives off leaving Calum with nowhere to go but inside. To make matters worse, once Calum gets in there he realises it's an American themed bar with country music playing and girls in short skirts dressed as cheerleaders carrying drinks and food to tables. Everywhere he looks there's straight couples or straight groups of people crammed into booths, speaking of which...
"Calum, Calum!" Waving wildly, Marlene calls him over to their booth packed with people from work. "Where've you been? We thought you'd got lost. Well slide on in..." she encourages Calum who's standing frozen into place. Doing as he's told he edges around the booth until he comes to a standstill, only then realising he's wedged next to Anna and there's no way out.
"What are you drinking?"
Looking around, the only drink that seems acceptable is beer. Corey certainly wouldn't be able to get his favourite Cosmo here, thinks Calum. "Uh, what you're all having is fine," he stammers.
"Hi," he says to Anna, knowing he's got to say something.
"Hi, glad you could make it."
"I told you he'd be here, didn't I? No need to worry..." Marlene crows, making Calum die inside and bringing a blush to Anna's cheeks.
"I wasn't worried," Anna mocks Marlene's tone back to her which goes completely over her head.
"Now all you need to do is make sure he's not seeing anyone before you get all lovey-dovey."
"Marlene would you shut up and leave them alone?" Calum silently thanks the guy on his left, the one who's wedged him in.
"You're not seeing anyone are you?"
The quiet question comes out of left field and Calum wasn't expecting it. "Me?" he asks, hoping that Anna was asking it of someone else but no, it seems to be directed at him. She nods enthusiastically.
"Er...no." Which is true at least. "Are you seeing anyone?" He asks back out of politeness.
"No, I just broke up with someone. Turned out to be a real doofus, which I didn't realise. There's so much you don't know at the time!"
"Aint that the truth!" Calum agrees, laughing. They have no idea.
"Can you believe he didn't know how to fix a sink?!"
YOU ARE READING
Queer as Muke
Fanfiction"The thing you need to know is, it's all about sex. It's true. In fact they say men think about sex every twenty-eight seconds. Of course that's straight men. With gay men it's every nine." Twenty nine year old advertising executive Michael Cliffor...
