About a week after their baby was born, Maddie and Geordie had a party, thanks in part to the invaluable contribution of Michael Clifford. They invited a herd of their nearest and dearest lesbians, assorted relatives and us, friends of the father, to their house.
It was really nice, the smell of bread baking and fresh flowers everywhere you looked...not like going to one of my friends places with the smell of dirty laundry and stacks of porn tapes. Seeing them in their new home with their new baby and their arms around each other I wished for a moment that I too could be a lesbian and then I remembered that I'd have to eat pussy so I said forget it!
Still, being there that day I realised how different men and women are and I don't think it has anything to do with being gay or straight. The way I see is that women know how to commit to each other and men don't, at least not the men I know.
Yeah, but I'm jumping ahead. Let's go back an hour...
.
.
.
"I told you, I'm not going to the muncher's brunch!"
A very sweaty and exasperated Michael sits up, the weights still in his hand as Calum looks at him, unimpressed. Dropping the weights onto the floor he rubs the towel over his face, "And that's final."
"It's not for them, it's for your son!" Calum can't believe he's hearing this. Dressed up in one of the only decent suits he owns, he sits down on the bench beside Michael.
"My son? He's only my son when they want my money."
"Why punish him by not going?"
"He's not going to know I'm not there!" Michael picks up the weights again and starts working out, he at least thought that the gym this morning would be a safe place to be but obviously not.
"Can't be sure. I read someplace..."
"Where? Marvel comics?"
Ignoring Michael's jibe, Calum carries on regardless, "...that infants respond to things, even when they're still in the womb, to things like tension and discord. It affects them adversely whereas playing Mozart make them super smart, things like that."
"Well how do you think listening to the sound of two dykes going down on each other the past nine months has affected him? Shit..." Michael drops the weights again and starts walking off. "...he'll probably grow up to be straight."
"All the more reason why he needs his dad!" Calum runs after him, Christ he can walk fast.
"Stop acting like a...where the fuck are you?" Calum can't see a thing in the steam room, Michael came in just before him and then disappeared. He can't just disappear into thin air surely...
"Like a child..." Calum tries again but it's not good he can't see him anywhere. "Michael? Jesus Christ it's like a hundred degrees in here!" He's going to start sweating through his suit soon, he thinks. He needs to get Michael and get out of here.
"There you are," Panting with the heat, he comes around yet another corner to find Michael standing in the middle of the room, already undressed, in just a towel and...
...stroking himself.
"What?" He barks at Calum, irritation showing on his face.
"Well, I was just about to say I think you should rise the the occasion," Calum's eyes go wide seeing a really hot guy rub himself through his towel. This must be the one Michael's interested in and he can totally see why... "That you should be bigger than they are." He shakes himself down, this is not what he's here for. "That is, if you can take your mind and your hand off your dick for long enough..."
"I've got more important things to do." Watching how large and hard the guy is getting and the fact that he's now blatantly jerking himself off under his towel gets Michael impatient for Calum to go. "Now why don't you get out of here?"
"What will I tell them?"
"Just tell them the usual..." Michael unwraps the towel from around his waist exposing his perfectly crafted ass and throws it backwards at Calum whilst smirking at him, "...that something came up."
~~~
"I'm thrilled for you both" trills one of Maddie's aunts. "And such a lucky boy to have two mothers. What do you need a father for anyway? Your Uncle Ben was a lousy father, never had any time for the family, always chasing women, you're better off being lesbians."
Calum walks, wide eyed, through a gaggle of Maddie's relatives, each one admiring Gus and trying to outdo each other with their effusions.
"Isn't he gorgeous? His name's Katsou." Corey introduces his latest pick up, a Japanese lad who seemingly can't speak any English.
"Juws?"
"Jews..." Corey says pointing to all Maddies relatives. "...or juice?" and points to the glass of OJ in his hand. "He brings a whole new meaning to Pacific Rim," he informs Calum and Sam with a cheeky wink.
"Where did you find him?"
"He found me, comes over in the Lizard Lounge and starts talking to me in Japanese, only the only Japanese I know is Sony and Toyota."
"So how do you communicate with him?"
"There's other ways than talking..." Corey takes a bite of a sausage roll suggestively.
"We all know it's not polite to talk with your mouth full!" quips Sam.
Corey turns around at the insistent tap on his shoulder and gets a load of rapid Japanese words thrown at him, none of which he understands.
"I need to wash my hands sweetie," Kissing the lad on the lips, he makes his way to the bathroom leaving his friends to deal with him and who have no idea what to say either.
"Okane, okane," Katsou says urgently as Sam and Calum both stare at him perplexed.
"Lets go ask Maddie," decides Sam and they both take the boy across the room to meet their hostess for the afternoon. After listening for a moment, Maddie takes Calum to one side. "Okane is money. He expects Corey to pay him," she giggles. "He's a male prostitute!"
"Oh shit!" Calum laughs, then thinks up an evil plan worthy of the supervillains in the comic books he loves.
"Maddie says okane means love," he tells Corey when he gets back from the bathroom. "He says he loves your voice, it sounds like a silent windchime, and your smile is like cherry blossoms floating on a still breeze." He's amazed that he came up with that at no notice but it seems to have done the trick since Corey is now looking at the lad with adoration.
"That is the most beautiful thing that anyone has ever said to me." Corey tells Katsou, holding his hand and looking deep into his eyes, before kissing his fingers and smiling lovingly to the boys bewilderment.
Calum has a stab of guilt watching the exchange, which is quickly forgotten about when Geordie comes up to them.
"Oh here he is, can I hold him?" Calum asks, thanking god that Gus is just the right distraction.
"It's almost time for the ceremony," Geordie tells him, giving the baby over before looking around. "Where's Michael?"
"Couldn't make it, said to tell you that..."
"Something came up?" Supplies Maddie bitingly, with no surprise whatsoever in her voice. "I can guess what."
"Shall we begin?"
"This is Rabbi Blass, he'll be doing the Bris," explains Geordie.
"Oh I love pot roast!" exclaims Corey.
"That's brisket," Sam rolls his eyes at his friend. "I believe in the Jewish faith a Bris is a circumcision ceremony?" he says, checking with the Rabbi to see if he's right.
"That's correct. First I give the boy child a little wine, then I say a prayer or two, then I take my scalpel and I remove his foreskin."
And it's at that moment that Corey collapses in a heap on the floor.
YOU ARE READING
Queer as Muke
Fanfiction"The thing you need to know is, it's all about sex. It's true. In fact they say men think about sex every twenty-eight seconds. Of course that's straight men. With gay men it's every nine." Twenty nine year old advertising executive Michael Cliffor...
