All It Seems

Part 18: Morning Silence

Because this chapter is late I wanted to get it out as soon as possible hence why there may be a few spelling mistakes as I did a quick read.

I hope you enjoy and are having a good week :) xx

Isaac packed up his things and said he'd come back during a day where I had uni to get the rest. He was somber as was I. This would be the first time in years that we would be spending a night let alone days and weeks apart.
I shut the door behind him with bated breath and waited for five minutes for him come thundering back in, arguing and yelling but he never came.

I had an awful feeling that I was happy about this. I'm entitled to enjoy the space but I shouldn't be happy about breaking up with my boyfriend... should I?

I looked around our small flat that suddenly felt so much bigger now that it was just me.

What was I going to do? I could watch something on tv or I could go straight to bed, I could read a book or throw a rave. I could do whatever I wanted without fear of being told off or ridiculed.

I decided that tonight I would make the most of the quiet and have some time to myself. I had the whole day with Lucy tomorrow so I didn't necessarily have to go to bed super early. I decided that a glass of wine, popcorn and a movie was the go.

I set up my spot with our duvet and pillows on the couch to scroll through Netflix to settle on a few episodes of Downton Abbey.

'Hope is a tease designed to prevent us accepting reality'

I should write that on a billboard and post it to Isaac.

I shouldn't be so cruel; he cares about me and it's just unkind how much I've been falling out of love with him. I should be kinder. But then again, I don't need to be told off like a child for what I'm wearing or what I'm doing or what I say. It's tiresome and I want be, do and say what I want.

The irony of it all is that I'm so pro female empowerment, so pro equality and so pro individuality but I'm in a relationship where my boyfriend is controlling. I try not to let him be and I fight it but I'm still with him. It makes me angry.

I slept surprisingly well despite the bed being cold on one side and when I woke in the morning to my alarm there wasn't a groan of dissatisfaction at being woken up for the briefest of this moments.

I could stretch out and roll over comfortably and still have the covers wrapped tightly around me.

I could get used to this.

I had to stop myself from enjoying this lovely silence though, this time was meant for me to reflect on how much I missed Isaac and so far I wasn't doing very well.

I packed up all my things with a smile and went to pick Lucy up for our picnic in the park.

"So I have a thought," I began, as we walked down the stairs from her room so she could have breakfast. "I'm going to get a Ready-Roast-Chicken from the supermarket and some bread and salad, so that can be our lunch and I'll also get some snacks and we'll kick the soccer ball around the park,"

She nodded in excitement and continued to eat her toast.

"Sounds proper mental," she mumbled through a mouthful of food and I stared at her.

Oh god. It's starting.

I'd remembered to pack an old blanket into the car this morning so we could just lock up and go with Lu and the football. Our supermarket shop was interesting as I had to remove some of the things that Lu was just throwing into the basket. I told her to go choose a salad she liked for sandwiches and thinking she'd come back with coleslaw she came back with a bag of crisps, two blocks I chocolate and a box of cookies.