Intimacy (Jahseh Onfroy🖤)

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Friday

We didn't really do much last week at that party after the crew had left. We just talked about music and got high out of our minds, cracking jokes and shit.

Eventually Jahseh had gotten drunk and wasn't stable enough to drive, so I drove us back home.

He kept telling me to help him back in but I had to deny, instead, I called Trunks down to get him.

Every since then we've been hanging out together. I mean almost non-stop, all day.

Anyways, I had just walked in from school not too long ago with Kamaya. I was extremely exhausted and I had a bad headache all I wanted to do was go to sleep.

"Sweetheart? Can I talk to you for a minute?" I turned around to see my mom looking at me with pleading eyes.

I thought about what happened Monday and just got mad all over again.

"No." I simply said and made my way up the stairs.

We haven't been talking nor making any type of communication all week, and now she decides she wanna try and fix things.

I think the fuck not.

I entered my room and plopped down on my bed and began to stare off. My mind began to wonder;

I fucking hate her, why'd we have to move here to be with her? I fucking miss my dad.

"Mill, did you take your medicine?" I heard Maya's soft voice as she entered my room, knocking me from my thoughts.

She's the only person that knows I struggle with depression.

I shook my head and sighed. "I'm not taking that stuff, all it does is numb me, I can deal with my own problems, I can cope-"

"No you need to take them, you also need to apologize to mom. She's been nothing but nice to us and you want to take your anger out on her-"

She sighed.

"-Mill dads gone and we can't do nothing about it, we have to be strong as a family."

I looked up at her, she was right.

Everything was true; I've been nothing but a bitch to my mother and my dad is gone and we can't do anything about it.

"I just need some time okay." I said.

I still wasn't feeling the whole apologizing to mom thing. I mean she insulted me.

"Alright-" she said as she hugged me.

"-Just please take your medicine Camila." With that being said she left.

I sighed as I thought about how I changed when my dad passed away. I was so empty hearted, and I always felt alone. I felt like no one was ever here for me.

Even if I was surrounded by many people I still felt alone.

I've wanted to kill myself so many times before but I couldn't do it.

I had to be the one to take care of my sister. I couldn't leave her. She would end up going through the pain I'm going through and eventually killing herself too.

I don't know how I would live if something happened to her. She's the last person I have. Well besides my mom.

And even though I hold a smile doesn't mean I'm happy, because behind this smile, I'm broken...

 I crave intimacy.

I crawled into my bed and pulled the covers over my body, and right when I was about to lay down Jahseh walked in.