TEARS FROM THE MOON

Chapter 26.

I took in a very deep breath and moved uncomfortably in my seat. I felt somewhat nervous about wanting to ask him things, but thought, well what the heck.
If we we're going to do these very intimate scenes together I should at least know a little bit more about him. Surely that's not too much to ask. I wriggled again in my seat and noticed Alan looking under his eyes at me.

"Are you quite alright Miss Stevens?".  He asked,  "You appear to be a little preoccupied about something, am I correct?".

My stomach twisted and I felt my face suddenly flush.
Why did he always seem to know when I was nervous. It was as if he had a sixth sense or something.
I gulped and then took in a long breath.

"I was just wondering about something".   I breathed.

Alan looked at me, his lips curved slightly upwards as the corners of his eyes also crinkled.

I took in another breath.

"I was just wondering..................are you married?".   I blurted out quickly.

My face felt suddenly very hot and my wringing, nervous hands were really clammy, for I was so desperate for him to come out with the right answer, that I knew I was getting into a little bit of a state over it.
Would it make any difference to me if he was?
Yes of course it would. There was no doubt about that!

Alan took in a slow, deep breath, then answered:

" No Gwen. I am not married".  

I very suddenly felt relief wash all over me and I immediately relaxed.
Oh, that was the answer I really wanted to hear from him and my response to him was to smile broadly. This actually made asking my next question even easier.

"So,  you don't have any children then?".  

Alan tilted his head to one side, a deep furrow now emerged between his eyes as the little smile had now quickly disappeared.

"What's all this with the questions? ".   He asked, as he in turn was now asking one himself.

He was now also leaning back into the chair and had crossed his arms over one another almost in defiance.

I shrugged my shoulders at him. I didn't think that I was being too personal, although I had realised during our time together he was a deeply private man, I didn't actually believe my questions were all that invasive.
To me, they were just ordinary every day questions asked all the time by ordinary every day people.

But Alan Rickman was not just an ordinary man.
That is why I was so drawn to him. That is why I needed to know more about him.
His secrecy about himself was kind of attractive and very intriguing.
I smiled weakly at him.

"I'm just interested, that's all".  I said  "Just wanted to know a little bit more about you. Make conversation, you know talk about things". 

Alan continued to stare at me and I wasn't totally sure whether or not he was going to open up to me.
My gut feeling was, that he was not.

He moved slightly in his chair and took in a breath. Then in a very serious, extremely measured level tone he said:

"The way I see it, Miss Stevens is that you don't have to sink to those sort of levels to hold a conversation".

My mouth dropped suddenly open.
Sink to those levels!!!
What was he going on about?
I had only asked a very civil question.
Nothing to get all defensive about.

My face reddened but this time with anger.
How dare he!
Was he actually accusing me of being nosey or something?
Didn't he really want us to get to know one another a bit better? Or
Was he just so far removed from ordinary every day people such as myself, that he couldn't be bothered with menial small talk?
I now felt confused and very embarrassed by the way he had just dismissed my question.
He could have just said yes or no. He didn't have to belittle me like that!
Christ! It was only one simple bloody question!
There was little point at all in being all technical about things and trying to analyse the whole of my social skills limited as they undoubtedly were!