I Don't Have a Choice, But I'd Still Choose You || A Rierra Fanfic

Chapter 7

Ramin:

Ramin hadn't been in a Broadway show since Anastasia and now when it was March, he felt that it was time to join something. He had already been to one or two auditions which included doing Evita in Japan but the one musical he really wanted to do  was The Secret Garden. The last time he did it he had fallen in love with the character and the whole story. Since it was going to have a Broadway revival he wanted to get the chance to do it. However, he was scared that he maybe wouldn't get the role he wanted to, which was Archibald, and therefore he kept auditioning for other roles.

The day of auditions he was very nervous. He didn't really know why, he usually didn't get this nervous. For him, being nervous was a sign that you weren't prepared and that didn't make him feel much better. Probably it was because he really wanted this role. Also, he had decided not to tell anyone, and especially not Sierra, that he auditioned for the role as Archibald because if he got it he wanted to surprise her. Secret Garden was one of her favorite musicals, so she would become very happy if he got the role and he loved to make her happy. Also, he secretly hoped that she too would audition for it. However, this wish was buried deep within him because he was almost ashamed for hoping such thing. He didn't know why but that was the case.

When it was his turn he felt like throwing up. He hadn't been this nervous since his audition for "Miss Saigon" but that was for a whole different reason and that was some time ago now. But now he was extremely nervous and shaky. He went inside the audition room and walked up to the piano which stood in the middle of the room. Other than the director and the producer, Lucy Simon, the creator of The Secret Garden, was there. This made him both more nervous but also more motivated to make this a good audition. After some small talk with the crew he took his place beside the piano and the audition started.

He came out of the room quite satisfied. Since he had done the show before he remembered most of the songs that was in the musical, so it was quite easy for him. According to him he did it quite well. He hit all notes and everything, but he never wanted to say that he completely nailed it because you could always do it better. However, even if it went well he was still a little worried whether he would get the role or not.

The day after, Mandy and his sons were supposed to come and visit him. After picking them up at the airport they went out to a lunch restaurant and ate lunch together. He was so happy to finally meet his boys again after the long time they were parted. To meet Mandy on the other hand, was weird for him. They talked a lot, but they didn't feel the need to sit next to each other or even hug. It was as if they were only friends. Combining all his feelings and thoughts he finally understood, everything that had happened between them happened because he didn't love her anymore. That explained why he didn't miss her as much as his boys and why the special feeling in the pit of his stomach that came when he saw her was gone. Surprisingly, this feeling didn't make him scared, angry or worried. He felt strangely comfortable in that his love for her was, so to say, gone. 

Mandy and the boys sat in the sofa in his apartment that afternoon. He knew that he no longer loved her, even if it was hard to accept and the only solution he thought would be right to do was to divorce. It would be hard for the family, especially for the boys, but over time it would be best. Usually he would be the one who wanted to stay in a relationship just for the boy's sake but not now. It wouldn't be fair to anyone if Mandy and he stayed in a relationship, even if they meant well.

- I need to talk with you about something; Ramin whispered to Mandy, his stomach ached out of nervousness.

- Oh, me too; she answered. Can we take it after the boys has gone to bed?

- Sure; he felt the anxiety as a stone in his stomach.

After he had tucked in his sons in their beds he went out to the kitchen where Mandy had taken a seat at the table. Why was he this nervous? Mandy would understand, she was a cool woman.