The Gang Leader's Shorty

Chapter 13

The doctors informed me that I will be able to leave this afternoon, meaning the stench of sleep and sickness surrounding me as I lie in my hospital bed seems to be more bearable today. Cole slumps in the chair beside my bed, sleeping as Max, James and Luke pack my stuff into a bag, "How're you feeling?" Luke asks and comes over to me, grabbing the hand that Cole hasn't got a grip on, "Excited to go home, I guess," He nods, laughing at me, "Not long now," He says, followed by a squeeze of my hand. 

His attention is drawn away from me when the nurse comes in, "Can I talk to Lexi alone, please?" They all nod and leave, waking Cole up and dragging him out in the process as he shoots a tired smile in my direction. As the door closes behind them, I smile at the nurse, almost willing her to release me early. 

"I'm not sure if you are aware but we have spoken to your friends and family surrounding your circumstances and a few issues surrounding your behaviour have been raised. You must understand that, in this situation, it is our duty to recognise these issues and respond to them accordingly," I nod and signal her to continue, "We have reasons to believe that you are suffering from Bipolar disorder," I gasp silently. I don't exactly know what this means but I have heard that it isn't something that you'd wish to have. 

"Bipolar disorder is an illness in which victims feel dramatic mood swings. A person with Bipolar disorder will alternate between elevated moods and depressive moods, with normal moods in between. Obviously, we will have to refer you to a psychologist with behavioural specialisms as we cannot provide you with the treatment that you will need without a medical diagnosis. However, if it should be that you are diagnosed with this, you should expect to take mood stabilisers to prevent these depressive and manic episodes and emotional counselling when a doctor sees fit." 

I shake my head, "I don't understand, this has never been brought up before and I don't feel like I go through extreme depressive or, what was the word, manic? Yes, manic episodes," I panic and she nods, "I know this may be new to you but your moods aren't best observed by yourself, they are best observed by the others around you. This isn't just a black and white picture, Lexi, every patient suffers differently." 

"Explain that to me then, what did they say about me?" I demand, almost accusingly, as the nurse shuffles in her spot, clearly feeling uncomfortable, "Your brother and friends claim that you tend to find yourself suffering from overwhelming feelings of worthlessness and other symptoms of depressive episodes and you also have random bouts of extreme happiness or energy with unrealistic ideas and, often relating to, talking quickly and being annoyed very easily. These are just a few observations, Lexi, and we cannot move forward with this until you agree to see a psychiatrist for a professional diagnosis." 

"Fine, I'll see a psychiatrist and you'll all realise that I'm fine, I'm normal and I don't need those tablets to make me feel better," I agree quickly, almost impulsively, willing this to be over, "I'm glad you've said that as we have pencilled you in for an appointment tomorrow morning, it'll be at eleven am." 

She then exits the room, signalling for Luke and the others to go back in, "Lexi? What did she do to you?" I kick my bed like a petulant child not wanting to be sent to bed, "More like what did you guys do to me!"

"What?" Luke asks, "I am Bipolar because of your so-called observations!" I yell and they all look at me in confusion, "That's what the questions were about!" Max says and I start to cry, "Do you not realise how much I hate this? I don't want another point added to my baggage," I say between sobs, they all shake their heads, "Everyone has baggage, Lexi, you're no different from the rest of the population," Max supports, resulting in a bitter chuckle from myself in response. 

For a while I have felt overly emotional and, in general, a lack of control over my temperament and I've hated it. I've blamed myself for years for acting out and feeling dramatic, for shoving others away in a state of confusion. However, now I have a potential name for what I've been battling and my feelings seem more understandable, more manageable and that alone is enough to calm myself.