The Gang Leader's Shorty

Chapter 43

It has been about three weeks since I found out about losing Ryder. Three weeks since I fell into this state of depression and loneliness. Call me selfish, I don't care. Ryder was my son and nephew combined. That love and pure adoration was combined together like when you have a covalently bonded element in physics or the combination of different notes in music which collectively make up a beautiful melody of sound. 

In this case, the love of a mother and aunt has been combined to make a different kind of melody. A beautiful melody of nurture and love. Now that has been broken, it's like losing my leg or arm or thumb. My heart. Every necessary part of my body. It just doesn't feel right, I don't feel complete. 

Cole and the twins have been trying to coax me out of my pit of a room but, if I'm completely honest, while their efforts are sweet, they are extremely poor and not working at all. I have been so busy trying to occupy myself so that I don't remember all the spare time I have now that Ryder isn't here. It is hard to think that, three weeks ago tomorrow, I was dying of pneumonia. 

Unconscious for just under a week, I missed a lot. I missed the death of the Adams' parents and I missed Gina going to a mental institute to sort herself out. Apparently, she couldn't bare to think about what she had done to me. I am disgusted with her and I will probably never forgive her but I am grateful she is listening to our advice. I still want her to get the best treatment she can receive, just like I would anyone, really. 

I get up from my crumpled bed sheets which I have been cocooned safely in for the past few weeks and head out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to grab some food, hopefully without bumping into anyone. 

I walk into the kitchen and there sat around the breakfast bar is Cole and all of my friends. I look at them all and gasp, placing a hand on the side of my chest which holds my empty heart, "Fuck! You guys scared me. What're you all doing here?" I ask, as if everything is okay when, in reality, everything is far from okay. 

"Don't play games with us, Alexis. We all know something isn't right and we aren't letting you out until you tell us," Cole tells me, using my full name, too.

Caiden rushes to the wood and glass combination doors which lead to the kitchen and locks them shut so I cannot escape, "Come sit next to me," Jess pats the empty seat next to her, in the middle of everyone, and I oblige, not wanting to piss them off further. I place one hand on the table and the other under my chin as I lean lazily onto it. Jess gently holds the hand that is on the table inside of her warm and comforting ones, trying to put me at ease.

One thing about Jess; as harsh as she tries to be with me to get me to speak the truth, she will never let me become uncomfortable. 

"What am I here for?" I ask them and they all lean forwards in sync, only intimidating me further, Jess' grip tightens encouragingly, "We want to know why you're shutting us out, Lexi!" Charlie shouts at me, suddenly annoyed. Presumably because I didn't speak to him or the others before deciding that I wasn't worth being saved from my own mind.

"Because I'm in a difficult position right now and I don't want to drag you all down with me, that wouldn't be fair!" I shout back, tears welling up in my eyes, blurring my vision of every single person in this room. 

"What isn't fair is you shutting us out without an explanation, without telling us what's going on in your head! That isn't fair. You're keeping us worried all of the time and we can't take it anymore, Alexis! It's getting beyond control. You're constantly depressed and picking fucking food over us, your closest friends," Max yells at me and all of those tears in my eyes spill and fall beyond control. Anger rises through me suddenly and I cannot contain the erupting lava, despite the harm it could cause to those around me.