Never Stop (a jack gilinsky fanfic)

chapter 20

   "Or should I say, he kissed me." I quickly add. It doesn't matter what I say, the look on his face was still cold. "Well, that explains it." He speaks after a moment of silence. "Explains what?" I ask. "After you left with sam, Shawn arrived looking for you. He was pissed and punched me in the face. I thought it was just him being protective over you .." He says looking at the floor avoiding eye contact with me. "Jack.." My voice cracks. I didn't know what to say or do. I get up and go get some ice. I wrap it in a towel and walk over to him. I sit next to him and he turns his head the opposite direction of me. My stomach fell and tears formed in my eyes. I gently grab his face and place the towel on his bruises. His eyes met mine. I could see the pain and regret in them, but there was also anger and disappointment. I look away for the agony was dreadful. I get up and hold the tears back. I turn back around as I pull myself together and grab the balls to finally ask. "Who is she?" You could hear the hurt in my tone. "An ex." He says still avoiding eye contact with me. I didn't want to ask, I didn't want to hear it, but I needed to know. "Do you love her?" As the words left my body, a black hole opened in my chest. "I dont know" his voice was sincere. I could feel the flowers in my stomach die. "Do you still love me?" My voice shakier than before. He looks up at me for the first time since we've started this conversation. There's a pause as eyes observe me. "Of course I do" those words hurt more than they should have. I feel the bones in my body break. "So, what now?" I ask with my back to him. It's quiet for a couple of minutes. Suddenly, I feel his arms wrap around my waist. He hugs me with every strength in him. "I love you" he softly whispers in my ear. I quietly sob as we stand there enjoying this moment together, for it was starting to feel like our last. 

        My hand quickly covers my mouth for i was no longer sobbing. I was screeching. Jack quickly turns me around and hugs me properly. His hug tighter than before. "I'm sorry" he whispers as tears fall from his eyes. "Me too" I let out. "It's not your fault" he says. I pull away from his hug. I look at him and I could see the agony was both mental and physical. "Jack." My cracking voice let's out. "I know" he says as he looks away from me. I grab his face and gently trace my fingers through his hair. I embrace every touch and every view I have of him. I lean in and for the last time, my lips meet his. "I love you" I whisper against his lips. My soul ached as the words I spoke left my body. I slowly make my way to the door. I look back and as he watches me leave I feel myself fall into the black hole that had formed inside me, drowning inside it. It hurt like hell to take the steps out the door & as they got further away from him, a war started inside me. My mind and heart both fighting. My heart telling my soul to turn around and run back inside, to jump into his arms. My mind telling my body to keep moving. Although everything in me ached and the easiest solution would be to turn around, I knew that wasn't the best thing for me.. nor for him. I love him but I can't be with him if he's unsure of his feelings for someone else. I can't love him if he loves someone else...