I kissed my bodyguard

Chapter 16

Dancer —>
Kats POV
I felt a horrible feeling in my heart as I packed my clothes back into my bag, tears flooding my vision, confusion and loyalty clouding my judgement. I wouldn't let myself look at the bed, I felt too dirty.
I decided to have a shower before continuing with anything else, and to hopefully calm my mind down, but it didn't help at all, it only made me think harder, longer, and deeper until I was completely engulfed in the pain I had been caused. Pain that I had possibly caused myself unnecessarily.
I looked in the mirror, it was clouded like my mind but I could still see enough to know that nobody would notice that I have been crying. They never do.

Once all my clothes were packed i went downstairs and found Liam waiting at the door. In his suit. Formal and impersonal. His shades were on and his earpiece was in. My heart cracked a bit more at the impersonal appearance from him. I caused that.
"Liam-" I began, it was quiet as I could barely find the strength to say his name, but he heard me...he always heard me.
"Are you ready miss John? I will take your bag, since you wanted to leave immediately I requested the helicopter, so it is awaiting you outside." He said in a monotone voice, arms stiffly behind his back again. His walls were up.
I attempted a small smile at him but tears formed in my eyes instead. I looked down at the floor and cleared my throat.
"Right well, thank you then." I said and tried walking past him, but he stopped me. For a moment I was hopeful that he would take me in his arms and kiss me, kiss me until all the pain left me...but he just took the bags out of my hands and waited for me to walk in front of him. I bit my tongue to hold back the pain, it didn't work.

——

The ride home felt short as I stared out the window of the helicopter as tears rolled down my cheek. Liam was in the front, with the pilot, but he didn't say a word.
I couldn't explain how I felt, I couldn't explain how much pain I was in right now. I didn't want to think anymore, I didn't want to feel.
Once I arrived home Liam took my bags and walked into the house, before I even got to say anything to him. Maybe it was best.
The house guards escorted me into the house safely and I was welcomed home by my mothers worried look and my father hurrying off to a meeting, barely even noticing my presence. I looked at her and forced a smile.
"Hey mom! I hope you don't mind but I have really missed riding, so I'm just going to get on is that fine?" I asked as she hugged me.
"Oh...uh, yes I suppose that's fine, just make Liam watch you." She said and my stomach flipped.
"Oh no, mom Liam has worked so hard this week, I'm sure we could get Joe to do it? I won't run away this time I promise." I said and she looked worried, but she nodded anyway. I smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I love you mom."
"I love you too, sweety." I smiled at her once more and went up to my room to change. As I was walking up the stairs a few tears escaped my eyes, wiping them away quickly I rushed to my room and closed my door silently as I leaned back on the door. I let myself cry on the floor, tucked into a small ball, for 5 minutes before I wiped my tears away, remembered everything I had to be grateful for, and that put a smile on my face. I was a lucky girl, a very lucky girl.
I put on my jodhpurs and boots and threw on a random shirt. I did my hair in a French plait, looked in the mirror and took a deep breath in and released it.
"It's okay." I assured myself, I didn't believe it though.
I walked down to the stables, Joe right behind me, and I suddenly felt better. I saw my beautiful gelding in his stable, banging on his door for me. I laughed and ran to him, his ears pricked up and his eyes shined. This is love.
He was a Friesian with medium length mane and tail.
I decided not to tack him up and to rather ride him like this, no helmet for me, no tack for him.
It was getting closer to sunset and the beach looked beautiful. Good for a ride.
I looked at Joe and told him I wanted to ride on the beach today so he could either get on a horse or watch me from a distance.
"Miss I can't leave you alone." He said.
"Don't worry Joe, I won't tell anyone, and you can watch from here, I'll be fine." I promised and he looked like he was considering it.
"No running away?" He asked and I shook my head with a smile.
"No running away." I replied.
"Alright I will be watching you, but I want you to keep this panic button on you too, just in case." He said and I nodded, taking the button and clipping it on my shirt.
I got on dancer and made my way down to the beach. He was a bit fresh so he wanted to run away with me, but I guess I also wanted to, so I let him go at a full gallop on the beach. I could feel the pounding of his hooves as they hit the sand with force. I could hear his heavy breathing as he was getting more excited by the freedom I granted him. I felt myself feel lighter and happier again.
"Wooooh!!" I shouted as we sped across the beach. The wind making my plait fly backwards.
Eventually I whistled for him to slow down and he did. I patted him on the neck lovingly as he trotted to the water. I got off and took him to the water, he was always better near water if I was next to him.
The sun was beginning to set so I decided to make my way back home.
A warm feeling went through me as we cantered collectedly across the beach back home, where I found Liam shouting at Joe. I frowned and trotted to them, ending their argument.
"I told you she's fine." Joe said to Liam, liam glared at him and then left, without even giving me a second thought, and suddenly I was reminded of my sadness once again.